“Never seen in same room together,” claims Sophia Giordiano
In a series of sensational revelations this morning, Umbrian mother of four Sophia Giordiano claimed to know the truth about ECB boss Mario Draghi’s mysterious unwillingness to be seen in public of late. This is a transcript of her evidence to the Italian League of Reptile Hunters founded by her financier son Armanio:
“Listenamee wharri tell you, eh? This Draghi man Itellayoo, he anna diss Cypriot serpente Nicos Anastasiades theysame-a guy, shaddupayoface anna listen smartass: you evera see the two of them in same room, same bar, same bed eh? No! Offacorsenot – an’ heressa why dummy smartypantsa collegeboy – they’s the same persona!”
Signora Giordiano told reporters her suspicions were aroused when an alien whistle-blower from the ninth moon of the planet Stigmata gave her the complete expense claims put in by Draghi since joining the ECB:
“Every day our Mario, he fly fromma Frankfurt to Nicosia an back why he needatododat eh cannayootellme? Course not becaussa you just a wiseguy bambino cleverdick never givva me no grandchildren you bum, lissanup….he gottatoo look like he two peoples atawonce, but denna diss Wolfpack Schnoodle warreverhizaname is make some big trouble to catcha Mario out because he knowza wassup seein’ he yoosattabee big spy in Germany, OK? Now Draghi he’s mollto avvitato onaccounta he can’t be in two places giving bigshot press conferences happening in same-a time, mi hai capito? You lissenatomee shittaforbrains, do aza your momma tell you find a nice girl, settle down….”
Meanwhile, back on earth, a slightly more plausible explanation will follow soon.