“Prison works. It’s time for an end to soft soap, and a change to hard labour for professional criminals”

Tory MP yesterday

A senior police officer who leaked information helpful to Newscorp might go to jail.  Two senior directors of the crooked Treasury-owned bank RBS could be asked to step down. Two days ago, a Parliamentary Commission was told by three current senior managers at UBS that of the 40 staff implicated directly in Libor-rigging, only 18 had been dismissed by the bank.

I wonder at times just how nakedly brazen the corruption of legal equality has to get before citizens wake up. I know this is a little trite, but if one puts these examples into a more ‘famous’ historical context, it becomes easier to appreciate how heinous it all is.

British Nazi broadcaster Lord Haw-Haw was told by Winston Churchill this week that he may have to step down from his job at Herr Goebbels’s Propaganda Ministry, and perhaps offer a full apology to a Commons enquiry currently being convened on the subject.


King Charles I was in Court this morning to answer charges that he tried to subjugate Parliament to his ideas of Divine Right, and thereafter plunged the country into a Civil War in which thousands died, and illegal immigrants in flamboyant hats came over to fight on his side.  A Palace spokesperson stressed that His Royal Highness vigorously refutes the charges, but might be prepared to admit to lesser offences involving Papal plots and private religious ceremonies.

Speaking from his mountain redoubt in northern Italy this afternoon, Signor Benito Mussolini said he deplored the tendency of tabloid innuendo to depict him as a fellow-traveller with Herr Hitler, and asked for people to stop bashing fascists. “Fascists are central to the economic future of Italy,” he told reporters, “because they make the trains run on time. We simply must rein in this childish tendency to see every Blackshirt as an anti-democratic extremist”.

A Bank of England reconciliation committee has sent the French reformer and Corsican patriot Monsieur Napoleon Buonaparte into exile on the island of St Helena. Responding to a storm of criticism for what has been described by Alderman Sir Horace Bonkson as “a sure sign to any self-respecting revolutionary that Britain is not open to beheading Royalty”, Bank Governor Lord Bling of Mervin pointed out that Mr Buonaparte’s irregular policy of putting family members onto thrones – while a clear breach of diplomatic protocol – had to be discouraged with concerted action, although he did not believe that a custodial jail sentence was appropriate.

Appearing before the Russian Duma yesterday, Mr Josef Djugashvili told members of the Kerensky Committee that he had lost his diaries and therefore couldn’t remember anything. In answer to a question from Mr Aleksander Romanov (Tsarsko Seloe, East, Royalist)  in relation to a plot to wipe out his dynasty, Djugashvili told Committee members that he had done nothing wrong, had never as far as he remembered met anyone called Ilyitch Ulyanov, and had always followed a policy of Chinese Walls while running the Bolshevik Party.

Wake up. Cops who tip off corrupting media organisations should be banged up for a long, long time. Bankers who steal from people and cheat investors should be sent to distant penal colonies far, far away. And those who manipulate financial norms and measures should fear not dismissal, but rather long, long terms in Turkish prisons run by deranged homosexual rapists.