Oooo-eee, snivel-snivel-slurp-slurp

Berlin has been leaking pro-British drivel all morning. I may have to empty my email inbox as it is close to bursting point. As indeed is my sick bag. This in the Daily Telegraph:

“In the medium term, it is Britain, a major country, that poses the greatest threat of a schism,” said a German official. “Not only is Britain moving away from the EU, but also the EU is moving away from Britain.”

The German offficial – who declined to be named und vos only obeyink ordass – was in fact Untergruppen Finanzfuhrer Ulricht Schnitzelnoodle. He added later:

“Zer euro is in fact a big success become, and hass no bearink votsoever on ze future of the European Anschluss, vich is now in rudische health. Only ze Britisher island racism is holding uns back from our moment of Glory, yes, once again it is all ze fault of ze Churchill cliquesturm und zaire friends in ze und so weiter und so weiter lazy Grechenuntermenschen in zaire strinkvests und so weiter und so weiter…”

PS You may find this hard to believe, but I’m told that some Camorons inside No 10 had to be talked out of playing the old Rolling Stones track ‘Angie’ for Merkel’s visit. Eat your heart out In the Thick of it.

Related: What does the Greek austerity vote mean, if anything?