Applications are invited for the post of Chairman of the Conservative Party

Suitable candidates are invited to apply for the role of Conservative Party Chairman, a post sponsored by, the trading name of Grant, Michael, Green, Shapps & Partners.

This is a completely open appointment, but preference will be given to those candidates who can demonstrate to the selection committee’s satisfaction that:

* They have a dodgy past involving multiple cupboards and noisy skeletons.

* They have experience in the profession of active pimping and multiple identity.

* They can display evidence of being depraved, corrupt, greedy, amoral and generally sociopathic.

* They have the skills required to con the public and lie convincingly.

* There are no limits to their preparedness to do the wrong thing for the Country, so long as a split in the Conservative Party is avoided, and annual donations are not less than £100m.

The successful applicant will report directly to the Prime Minister Dave ‘Dodger’ Cameo, who will later deny awareness of everything reprehensible that will, inevitably, be done.

Write in the first instance to Ms R. Brookes, Cell 46, Holloway Prison.

Full story on the Grant Shapps scam at The Independent

13 thoughts on “Applications are invited for the post of Chairman of the Conservative Party

  1. A ha ha…
    You nearly made me spill my morning coffee on the keyboard.
    You also made me miss the UK, with good old… bloody good English humour. Cheers


  2. Apparently a discreet lavender-scented envelope has been delivered by hand to Tory HQ within the last hour. On beautifully deckled notepaper is an application for the post you have described from a ‘gentleman’ who counts himself eminently qualified for the role. He has signed it ‘Baron Mandelson, of Foy in the County of Herefordshire and of Hartlepool in the County of Durham’.

    Should be a shoe-in …


  3. I’m not sure what’s funnier John’s post or the comments on the Independent.

    I particularly like this one:
    “Yeah, but most of the thickos in our country don’t understand what Brown did for us. History will appreciate him in a way that today’s reactionaries couldn’t begin to understand.”

    Not sure on the specifics of this claim, maybe eliminating boom and bust? Or maybe his excellent financial timing with regards gold sales?


  4. …..since Ms R. Brookes will know all the applicants already as Cocktail Drinkkin Buddies and from ‘Sharing Horseminding Duties’……inclusion of a CV in applications will not be necessary……(and would wisely not be committed to the printed word)


  5. Multi-millionaire bankster war criminal Tony B.Liar perfectly qualified for the job… and he’s looking to get back into politics!


  6. Pingback: LAGARDE’S LIST: The fallout continues as ex-interior minister Tzanis hangs himself | A diary of deception and distortion

  7. Nice one John, but you are talking about the party i love.

    @ Caratacus, I’m not sure if your comment was tongue in cheek, but Lord Mandelson would be perfect. Or even T Blair at a push.

    Even Ed Miliband, was useing Camerons old speech? Just shows how interchangeable the parties are, whoever we vote for, the same people win.


  8. Lupulco, are you talking about the party as it was, as it is or as it should be?

    I ask because I don’t know what the party is these days and there was a time, decades ago I grant you, when I thought I knew.


  9. With Lagard lists, USB sticks, etc…making the Athens air even more smelly the latest days, i came to think that “OK we are in the first place now – surely we have the most pervert, amoral, licentious, putrid, rotten, shameless, sinful, twisted politicians ever.
    Makes me even more sad (then mad…then sad again…) to read that UK politicos are fighting hard for the first place.


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