‘Abbott says it’s [sic] humanised monoclonal antibody for the treatment of glioma has been granted orphan designation by the European Commission.’

Global Markets and Forex page at Seeking Alpha

God knows, it’s hard enough to keep up at the best of times. But with that amount of science and market jargon crammed into nineteen words, what chance do any of us stand? Let’s put it another way:

‘Abbott Laboratories believes that its pill for treating human beings going blind has been given the go-ahead by the EU pointy-heads’.

But of course, it might not mean that at all. It might mean that an obscure monk has cloned one human, but thus far only in black and white. Full colour clones will come later, but in the meantime the mysterious spy Glioma has been declared an orphan by the powers that be, on the grounds that her mum and dad are no more.

And who knows what Nick Clegg meant when he said this at the LibDem Party conference today:

“There is no silver bullet, all Parties will have to acknowledge the need for further belt-tightening. Going green means going forward. To make blue go green you have to add yellow again and again and again. If we secure our country’s future we will secure our own”.

Let us now go back to our constituencies, paint our silver bullets yellow, and put blue water between ourselves and the Conservatives. Let us tighten our belts in order not to be caught with our trousers down, wear brown trousers in order to disguise the shame of our open bowels, pull up our green socks of recovery, and roll a bowl a bowl a penny a pitch such that people will say, if the Coalition should last for a thousand days, we secured out country’s right to own the future.

But here’s another one on the subject of ongoing rows between Greece and its creditors:

“In theory, the IMF could withdraw from the deal if it is not satisfied the bailout fulfilled the criteria,” said Ben May of Capital Economics. “In practice, it isn’t so black and white and there is obviously potential for some kind of fudge.”

We like the idea of a potential for fudge. Evangelos Venizelos is very partial to a finger of fudge, especially if it’s neither black nor white. But in practice, we must withdraw from the deal before he becomes filled full from having tried to eat the bailout.

After a while, it becomes impossible to take this bollocks seriously. After a short while, even. So I leave you tonight with the news that Harvard Lags Peers as Endowment Loses Less Than 0.1%, pipelines are to Expand U.S. Supply Glut, and all over the world, people are Gaming Out the U.S. Fiscal Cliff. I wish them all the very best of luck.