Obliteration by alliteration

For reasons known only to the labyrinthine tunnels in my brain, I just tweeted using the alliterative ‘Mormon moron Mitt of Mammon’. I’ve been thinking about this, having just made a call to another time zone after 14 hours since the last sleep: the global internet is a recipe for many things, including mental illness.

What I’ve been thinking is how powerful a put-down alliteration tends be in the wrong hands. Or the right ones, depending on your outlook.

Careerist clown Clegg craps on cohorts and Conservatives at Conference.

Dodgy Dave degrades dignity of Downing Street.

Miliband’s mucous mumblings meander mirthlessly.

Senior citizens silly sods should slam sleaze and sink system.

Mad mothers-in-law make most men mad.

And so forth.

No matter how potentially holy or beyond reproach a figure might be, somehow the application of alliteration results in obliteration of reputation:

Pope plans plot proposing paedophile privacy protection.

Queen queried quorum quantity to quell QC’s questions.

Ultimately, however, the ease with which total arseholes are vilified using this method almost acts as a sort of self-fulfilling mediaeval test of guilt:

Bilious bullying Balls blundered on baby-buggering bastards.

Horrible Hunt the Hampton hates humanity, hails hideous Health hijack horror.

This may be a breakthrough in the neuroscience of language. Or alternatively, barmy braindead bollocks blogged by bored buffoon.

12 thoughts on “Obliteration by alliteration

  1. Mama Merkel makes masterful mendacity.

    Barrosso believes bullshit baffles brains.

    Ashton ‘as ‘ardly any awareness.

    Venizelos vouche(r)s – very variable.


  2. Brilliant should get wider circulation. An honourable mention in the House of Commons. How about it George (Galloway). And sue the bastard who called them scum. How much tax did he save?


  3. Words have power. In magic, the word ‘spell’ comes from ‘spelling’… The act of stringing the right words together. It’s said that bards used to be feared because while a witch could curse you or your cattle, a bard could write a song or poem so funny and damaging that it’d spread and take root and damage your family for generations. Think of how the ‘sorry’ song is going to follow Clegg everywhere as an example of that.

    Words as swords…. It kinda works.


  4. John, John, John…
    Just see what you’ve started. Take a small glass of scotch, go to bed and get some sleep.
    Lie listless for long enough and let your little grey cells alone.


  5. Brilliant gag. And the ‘SCUM’ accuser was Robert. No doubt a friend of Mr Mitchell’s who’d probably call them scum plebs. Where does the elite corruption end?? Roll on the revolution!!


  6. So right .Alliteration is a mnemonic tool , it adds rhythm and music to the words , it repeats in yr head like you are walking in echoing corridors , it adds hidden meaning to what you say , the words become things ,magic ,incantatory.Lewis Carroll called it “one of the deepest motives in the human beast ” .My favourite one , Captain Haddock’s : “Billions of bilious blue blistering barnacles” .


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