Inhabiting planet Earth can damage your mental health

It’s good news for David Cameo this morning, as the man he most admires Tony Blair has personally brokered a new deal between JP Morgan and White Powder Mining (Venuezuela) SA. My God but Moral Tone is earning his consultancy fee, and no mistake. So the normal functioning of HMG Government can continue without any further breakage in supply. “Look here, I really do think that a lot of Left-wing twaddle about drugs should not suggest we aren’t open for business,” said Boris Johnson, as his quill swept across the parchment for yet another Daily Telegraph article.

“Iran could cause a Cold War,” said the foreign secretary William Hague at the weekend. True, but nihil desperandum Willy Mekon, the Israelis stand ready to heat things up a bit. Just above a video of him drivelling on pointlessly, a sub-head talked about ‘a mighty show of strength from the Royal Navy’ in the Eastern Med. Hyperbole can be a useful tool in diplomacy, but I think we’re over-egging two tugs and a rowing boat somewhat here. ‘Gunboat diplomacy’ Lord Palmeston called it, approvingly. Well, we have a boat and a gun, but that’s about the sum of our might following the Coalition’s downsizing strategy. To be honest, I thought we’d used the last jerry-can creating an Arab Spring in Libya, but I was obviously misinformed.

Intriguing to note how the video nasty about Mohammed that got Johnny Gyppo* over-excited last week was mouldering away in a virtually unvisited YouTube space, until a keen Islamist found it and splashed the thing all over Al Jahzeera. It also seems the US Embassy staff were armed with guns containing blanks, presumably another ploy by Hillary Clinton to convince the Muslim Brotherhood they’re on the same side really. So then, this second shot at appeasement is obviously going really well.

Now that violent contagion has built up a head of whatever contagion builds up, Islam is going into its back-catalogue in search of old scores that have lain unsettled for far too long. Out popped tit-fancying obscure novelist Salman Rushdie, who has now had his fatwah both revived and updated, lucky man. Next week: the Crusades. That bloke who went, he was that hunchback’s grandad, yer know. Straight up: chap darn the Mosque told me. Richard III’s bones may thus be disinterred just in time for an Islamist hit squad to desecrate them. It’s all about respect, really.

Three paras without an outburst from BoJo, this really won’t do on a family website like this one. Yes, he’s at it again, accusing the beastly Yanks of being unfair to our banks and businesses. Here is a cracker from today’s ‘stop bashing business’ episode, two lines written without any hint of irony:

‘…it is only too easy to imagine how a populist and irresponsible Left-wing Mayor could whack — say — Goldman Sachs with some colossal penalty, regardless of the damage to London as a place to do business.’

It’s all there in that one. Left-wing people who fine crooked giant squids damage London. I love it. Such a shame Peter Cook is no longer with us, he could’ve built a TV series around Boris. I’m reminded of Cooky’s Great Train Robbery sketch, with Alan Bennet playing the BBC interviewer:

AB: So then inspector, do you have any leads?

PC: Oh most certainly, rest assured about that. We’ve had some of our best brains at the Yard on this one. And we’re certain this is the work of thieves.

AB: So you think thieves are responsible?

PC: Certainly not, I think thieves are thoroughly irresponsible. If you think thieves to be responsible members of society then you must be a very odd cove indeed. You don’t write for the Guardian do you?

Oh how we miss him. Enjoy the week.

*This is my Christian equivalent of peace-loving Islam’s fatwah system. It’s not racism at all, its a Slogward. Two different animals entirely. Thank you.



11 thoughts on “Larf…?

  1. On the other hand, one does get the impression that Boris is actually a human being who says things like “Cor!” and “Lumme!” when he puts his foot in it. He is a splash of colour amongst the present nonentities whereas that new-fancier chap really did give the impression that he might just be a thought form of a lizard from the planet Zarg – or something David Icke-ish like that.


  2. Does anyone remember the TV SCi -fi ‘V’ ? Cameron reminds me of the head lizard in that. At any minute I expect him to start un-zipping his human skin!


  3. I fear the obscure video that is upsetting our friends with the dishcloths on their heads, is a part of an agent provocateur scam to whip up a frenzy in Mohammeds world and prepare the Western world for a strike against Iran. This all to distract from the ongoing fraud and embezzlement by the bankers. This is a well worn tactic. Part of the deceit ,distraction ,dissemination,obfuscation routine by the Money power.
    Nothing like a good old war and destruction to improve business and turnover in the military industrial complex.
    Same old bait and same old outcome. These Islamists need to discover a sense of humour. This is bloody ridiculous.


  4. look, let`s get this straight, they do not put dishcloths on their heads so they are not clothheads, they do not put towels on their heads, so they are not towelheads, what they put on their heads are little sheets ….


  5. @mountainman

    I have absolutely no idea why but I laughed so much I nearly fell off my chair. Thank you…I think. Or should that be I think?


  6. I think Salford Lad as it spot on, when a politico waves is right hand, it is always good practice to see what his left hand is doing.

    Plus what we need to remember is Islam is about 400 years behind Christianity and our Religious/Political Leaders were up to some pretty diabolical things then.

    Maybe the answer is a Religious Tax on say all practising Christians, Muslims etc of say 5% of their annual income and fixed assets, paid each year into a central fund until they prove beyond doubt that God exists. This fund could be used to balance the countries books and start to pay down its debts.

    If God was proven to exist, then this money would be repaid back to God and the citizens who had not paid their 5% taxes could then pay 5% of their annual income and fixed assets?


  7. For anyone who has not seen the ‘Innocence of Muslims’ trailer, I strongly suggest you do so before it disappears down the memory hole.
    It is truly execrable – not just an insult to Islam but to the whole of humanity, or at least that part with more than one brain cell.


  8. Anybody with 2 brain cells to rub together would take it with a pinch of salt and laugh at how pathetic it is.
    I’ve been to school plays better produced and scripted.
    The quality dubbing makes me laugh along with the excellent green screen backgrounds. Pat Condell a you tube favourite has insulted Islam more prolifically than Innocence of Muslims.
    “the whole of humanity” really? Most muslims probably didn’t give it the time of day considering it was out for nearly 6 months, only the tards waited til september 11th to play merry hell about it. Conveniently!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s