It’s a grab-bag of bits, pieces, half-formed ideas and minor occurrences in my brain tonight: from surrealist humour to profound fortune-cookie stuff in just a few thousand words. You lucky people.

Tonight’s buzz-definitions:

When S&P says ‘outlook stable’, let’s remember: stable = place from which horses escape due to lack of locks, bolts etc

Happy Medium – Optimistic fortune-teller.

Recession – Economic disaster that occurs when MPs have all gone home.

Libor – tedious Bank of England employee insisting that he knew nothing.

Whistle-blower – Guard on gravy train pointing out that we went straight through the last station without stopping, and the cliff-edge beckons. (See also – bitter and twisted Communist).


What the SEC said to an Asian-centred bank recently: this is the Standard Charter.

What the bank discovered later: It was not so much a cover-up from Federal Mammon as a carve-up from New York Scammon.
Thus, a bank squared a Yank and then sank when a wonk ignored rank and went for a wank with a Pentagon tank.

And word is just coming through to our newspod here at Slogger’s Roost that, following the latest Franco-Belgian edict about every European State driving on the right from 2014, the Academie Francaise has announced that as from April 1st 2013, all French noun genders will drive in the opposite direction. Every le will become a la. And every objection will be greeted with a lalalalalalalalala.

Trolls, conspiracy theorists, new-agers and Universe inverters…what make you of this: with the juxtaposition of just two letters, unclear becomes nuclear. It is a sign. Furthermore: the anagrams are guiding us. If u r clean, then can rule. It’s obvious! Ubly oogly ganglee dinglee thingy thongy.

And remember chefs, when that mould-breaking recipe doesn’t work, don’t get bent out of shape: add some origami. Origami is the herb’s herb. I’m a black-belt, but it took me thirty years of dedicated faking to get there.

The Bank of England has slashed UK growth targets again. Mervyn King told baffled journalists this afternoon that “this is a very serious problem in that we are now down to zero, and the divisibility of zero has been a subject of some fascination to mathematicians since the time of the Pharaohs. I think it was King Tutanmoron III who said that three times nothing was still f**k all; but on the other hand, Einstein declared that zero held the route to the future, although one could never return to confirm that hypothesis. If only I could pass through that nothingness, I would be a happy man indeed. As it is, I blame the Americans. Why not? They’re blaming  us, the two faced bastards.”


You can’t each an old dog new tricks (so they say) but I’ll tell you what: you can’t teach a new dog old tricks either. So rife is ageism in our culture, the young folks in banking, marketing, politics and bluffing cling gamely to their belief in intelligence quotient…while continuing to ignore that far more valuable and rare commodity, wisdom.

Wisdom teaches us that things heading upwards will come down sooner or later. That falling things will – given time to recover – rise again. That nothing is forever. That the past is no guide to the future, and that ignoring the past is no guide as to what to do now. That the weapons of yesterday lead to the Polish cavalry being wiped out. That relative values are worthless, and absolute creeds lead to relatively high death rates.

Sagesse (as the French have it) comes late to the few, and far too late for the many. The Friedmanite and Keynesian economists differ only from the Islamists in the number of realities they’re prepared to ignore in order to be – in their own eyes – timeless.

Britain’s new Young Right has a wisdom borne from independently taught independence of thought. But they too, from time to time, reinvent economic wheels and ignore important social weals.

And so I reach some sort of conclusion with this genuine news roundup: Car Bomb Kills 11 in Iraq. Attack Hits NATO Patrol in Afghanistan. Syria Renews Aleppo Offensive.

Little bit of wisdom to end on: don’t try to negotiate with headcases. You can announce a peace-deal, but they will still be headcases. And they will still want your head on a plate.