Calling all Night Owls who like a good culinary rant

This is actually pretty good: a long streak of Kiwi piss who knows what he likes, transcending the bollocks of pretentious cuisine:

Anyone for gently asphyxiated snails bathed in a bain-marie of lark’s vomit?

PS For f**k’s sake, don’t get him started on Hawkes Bay wine and the price of New Zealand Marmite.

17 thoughts on “Calling all Night Owls who like a good culinary rant

  1. Marmite is out of production here in NZ due to the CH-CH earthquake.
    We have to put up with that Aussie muck Vegemite.


  2. What’s wrong with lark’s vomit. Just make sure you use fresh tarragon and that the lark was organically fed. Can even be fed to vegetarians if you dont otherwise harm the lark.


  3. In the interests of self-sufficiency and other pretensions I have this evening taken some trout from the river Windrush, including a fine specimen of 3 lb. They are very good with tarragon – think I’ll pass on the lark’s vomit garnish (isn’t that the one with the spring loaded bolts that pierce both cheeks simultaneously?).


  4. @hieronimusb Ever tried stuffing rainbows with fresh oregano? (Preferably once dead). I think I prefer it to tarragon.

    But while on the subject of economy/self-sufficiency (sort of) why is it that one cannot get sheep’s balls anywhere in the UK? Last time I had them was in Beirut. Sauteed diced in butter and served with lemon juice they are divine. If we can get kidneys why waste the other bits? Though I draw the line at scrapie-ridden brains.


  5. Weren’t the bolts in the Anthrax Ripple?

    Last time I had sheep’s balls was in a Lebanese restaurant in Camden, but that was ten years ago. Haven’t seen them since.


  6. I was recently taken to a fancy French restaurant (astronomical prices, minuscule portions). On my partner’s plate was a blob of something which reference to the menu told us was “foam”.
    It tasted rather rancid and looked like the chef’s spit. I nearly vomited.
    I would much rather have had a nice plate of fish and chips with a portion of mushy peas. Oh and a mug of tea and bread and butter.


  7. Cultural attaché Les Patterson described a certain kind of person as a Vegemite miner. It put me off ever since.


  8. @aflatoxin

    When I read of your ‘stuffing rainbows with fresh oregano’, that reminded me of the classic Unicorn Fricassee – then I realised you meant rainbow trout, and the fantasy-dish vanished just as quickly as it had arisen.


  9. @aflatoxin: No, not used oregano, I mainly use tarragon or lemongrass; I’ll try it, thanks. Sheep’s balls (ram’s..?) I can’t help you with – balls of any sort are in very short supply it seems..

    @Kit: Spring Surprise of course, how could I forget?!

    @Mud: I was right there with you..

    @Max: But was it waffere thin?


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