On Monday, Herman van Rompuy told the media:

“The euro area member states are determined all the more after the choice made by the Greek people. We are confident that the new government will take ownership of the adjustment programme to which the Greek authorities committed earlier this year.”

Twenty four hours later, the EU announced that Spain and Italy were completely broke, but because both Brussels and the ECB are also 100% deficient in money substances, a Zen bailout would be organised using 10% of the money required, two loaves, five fishes, a levitating Buddhist bazooka, and the entire British Museum collection of petrified bollocks.

Interpol is now describing itself as “extremely concerned” that nothing has been heard of Greece since Antonis Simmerarse, the Nude Democracy leader, went to see the Greek President yesterday.

“This may be another Atlantis,” said ever-hopeful Commissioner for Athens-Shafting Veteatomar Porelculo, who was previously the Spanish ambassador to Zimbabwe, “or alternatively, it could be something Barroso and I dreamed up in the car on the way here.” 

But leading satirist Kathimerini Loppadopaloppoloss later told Greek police, “It was Eviljello Verijealous who caused  Greece to subside. I warned him not to sit down too quickly on an Aegean beach, and it’s clear that his weight was too much for our continental shelf to withstand. So it has always been, so it is: the Greek elite has rendered the Hellenic Republic underwater.”

Following the Italo-Spanish bail-in, The Slog’s Bankfurt Mole and pro-am cross-dresser Heidi Valderee (speaking from his eyrie ‘Wurstmitkartoffelnsalat‘ in the Salzburg mountains) said “I haff my luger mit me and I am goink to kill this Schweinhund piece of SchnitzelSheisse Schäuble mit it.”

The British Foreign Office confirmed that it was remaining abreast of events.

“It’s cleary gone tits-up,” said a spokespillock, “but as to the outcome, quite frankly Squire, your guess is as good as mine, and probably a lot better.”