At the End of the Day

The Sun headlines this morning that Lionel Messi, the world’s best footballer, is ‘in trouble’ with the Spanish football authorities. His crime? Calling an opponent ‘a negro’. Had he called the bloke a bicycle or a plantpot, he’d have been fine. But not now. Now he’s in trouble. Now, he’s in A Race Row.

“He called me a negro,” said Dutch international Royston Drenthe, “I understand that ‘negro’ is commonly used in South America. But we can’t stand it.”

What d’yer mean ‘we’, Royston? I can stand it. I can stand being called “a grubby northern oik” by upper class twits from time to time. What I tend to do is humiliate them in return. I’ve been, on various occasions, the victim of taunts such as “You’ve got eyes like two piss-oles in the snow”, “tatty-’ead”, “skeleton” and even “useless f**kin’ Manc”. But I wouldn’t say I’ve ever been the victim of A Class Row or A Regional Row or An accent Row.

Calling a helpless old guy “nigger” is sheer bullying, and deserves a good punch on the schnozz. But c’mon here: Drenthe is an erudite Dutch millionaire football star. He’s engaged in a physical game with less than polite folks being frequently encountered on the field of dreams. Negro? I’ve been called Honkey and Whitey in Brixton. Get over it you bloody daft Jesse. And stop encouraging racial disharmony, you nasty, phone-hacking little Currant Bun.

Sorry, I came over all tabloid there for a minute. Walking through our local seaside town today in search of another pack of Wake Up coffee substitute, I saw that our local Health Food store is closed. The note on the door said, ‘Closed due to ill-health’. I know that’s potentially cruel, but it is also very funny.

In equally questionable taste is the spate of Vidal Sassoon puns already on Twitter, most of them emanating from the immortal mobile of Time Vine. You have to follow Tim if you’re on Twitter, because it makes the rest of the generally uninspiring experience worth it.

Dear old Cyril Bassoon was 84 (which surprised me) but anyway, Tim was in quickly with “Is it too Sassoon for Vidal gags?” I responded with, “And so we say farewell to Vidal. Yes, this time it’s a permanent wave goodbye”. Back came Tim with “Vidal Sasson was a hairdowell”. The bloke is a genius.

With the Thin Blue Line on a protest march in London today, I was left wondering who would police it. Would any Plods arrest themselves? They are, after all, past masters at nicking the wrong bloke. In mediaeval times, once a year the serfs got to be waited on for the day by the Rich Man in his Castle. It occurs to me that, just for a police protest march, you could have lots of baddies sporting black masks and stripey tops nicking coppers for incitement to quiet, or perhaps behaving in a manner unlikely to cause a breach of the peace.

“It’s a fair cop, Fingers” said PC Dixon, “I’ll come noisy like”. Trouble is, they couldn’t have taken Plod to prison, because the warders were out on strike as well.

In today’s FT, the podcast headline asked, ‘Are we beginning to see a shift in European policy from austerity towards spurring growth?’ I worry about the FT more and more these days. Even Manuelo Barroso has cottoned on to the fact that growth is the new austerity. It makes no difference at all that the surface-scratching superficiality of EU policy is as deep as analysis therein is ever going to get: for the Financial Times to be asking such a question after everyone else has decided that austerity alone isn’t going to cut it….well, what can I say? Maybe Private Eye needs a new column in which some thinly disguised europhile FT twerp asks questions like ‘Is the new growth paradigm over?’, ‘Will Androids catch on?’, ‘Is the motor car here to stay?’, and ‘Who thinks there might be a flaw in the Bourse capitalism global investment bank model of commerce?’

Mind you, that last one would be pushing them to the limit.

45 thoughts on “At the End of the Day

  1. “I saw that our local Health Food store is closed. The note on the door said, ‘Closed due to ill-health’.” I literally pee’d myself a bit cackling like a hyena…

    • @kfc:I spotted that from the Bundesbank. I think it’s a significant move, although I wonder who put pressure on them. And I dunno how Merky will deal with it politically.

      • I think it’s very significant, mainly because of Spain’s position, they have no choice. Germany is master of it’s own destiny. Everything else is secondary. They will deal with the inflation, what they can’t deal with is collapse.

  2. Melanistic is a good word. Question John, If Scotland secedes from the Union there will no longer be a Great Britain. If there is no longer a Great Britain it follows that there are no longer any Britons. So what are we to call the people now referred to, mostly in the media, as Britons?

  3. FT has always been rubbish. Well at least for the last ten years. But thinking about it I haven’t read it for about ten years, so I can’t really back that up, except to say I can’t ever remember them calling something the right way, and every time I hear a quote from them it sounds like unadulterated bollocks.
    And are they going to prosecute Messi? I think John Terry is going to court for a similar thing, although I do try not to pay attention when I hear his name so maybe he already has. Interesting to see if Spain is as mental as us. Of course if you want to set up a child abuse ring, and sexually torment teenage girls, the Police will leave you alone for a few years and let you have your fun, just to prove they are not racist (can’t be seen to be Islamaphobic can we), but say a naughty word and it’s do not pass go time. I sometimes wonder if I’m under the influence of some mind altering drug as I read the surreality of what this country (and continent) has become.

    • The majority of child molesters in this country are white, and usually family members…(or Catholic Parish Priests) Our dirty little national secret. Perspective please.

      • You completely missed the point. Well done. You should go into politics or journalism, maybe join the police

    • I agree with you there. It does seem like a bad trip into (not so)Wonderland! Someone beam me up, I ready to leave this madhouse.

    • On top of the FT building in London they have two flags flying, the FT logo on one and the EU flag.

    • You mean person of colour! lol. I’m here in the Philippines right now (till Sunday) and they still have laws on the books from the American colonial period. Prostitution is referred to as ‘white slavery’. And there are quite a few Russian working girls around at the casinos.

  4. Drenthe is right about the term “negro” being used in South America.

    Calling a black man “um homen preto” in Brazil could land you with a racism charge (if not a knife in the guts or a fist in the face) if it was construed as a slur (which it almost certainly would be, otherwise why mention the man’s colour? Is it significant? It must be “homen negro”.
    So says politically correct socialist NewSpeak).
    And don’t dare order a black coffee. No, no. It must be “uma cafe sem leite (a coffee without milk).
    Same PC nonsense in Spain & Portugal I believe.

    • If you stop buying stuff, that’ll be fine for a while until your existing stuff wears out or becomes very dated. And what about all those nice cute gadgets that keep appearing? Do you really not want a 3G cell phone? an iPhone? iPad? iPod? A nice 40″ LCD TV?

      • To answer your question; I have a £12.50 Samsung basic phone, no camera, internet capability, games, or any such crap, that still has 7 quid of the £10 top up it came with 6 months ago. I’ve used an iPad once and couldn’t really see the attraction (though there are some pretty cool music production apps that would justify having one if it was given to me for free) and my only TV is a 14″ portable, made in 1991. The laptop I’m writing this on is a very fast multimedia Advent that I bought for 80 quid at a car boot sale, cheap because it was scratched to buggery (I dismantled and resprayed it) and the battery retaining clip was broken (fixed with the spring out of a clothes peg). I drive a 1995 Toyota Carina 1.6 Eco and a 2004 Yaris diesel (which isn’t mine, but is on long term loan while my mate works away).

        The kids have iphones and similar consumer crap, but they had to earn the money to buy them themselves, because I don’t see the need to shell out 300 quid on a status symbol that isn’t even a particularly good 3G phone compared to some of the Android devices.

        My hobby is building guitar amps and studio electronic gear out of other people’s thrown away crap.

        I went Galt a long time ago and have never been happier.

        Apologies if that turned into a rant, but I despise consumerism.

      • @Woodgnome: Thanks, that’s a very good description of how to avoid being sucked into consumerism. I must admit that I’ve always been that way inclined myself, partly because of my nature and partly because I never had the time to go out shopping, there was always something important to be done. I use to describe myself as “a salesman’s nightmare”.

        Sadly, the society we live in today is one where we are continually bombarded with adverts to buy this/that/anything/everything and there are quite a few people who feel miserable unless they have at least one of every latest gadget/cream/lotion that’s available. I regret to say that women are especially susceptible to consumerism, although I cannot explain why. Maybe someone can…………..

    • You remember when we were kids and we wanted a hamster and we started by asking mommy and daddy for a ponny? that is what Mr Hugo Tsipras is applying here . Greece will get some sweeteners .If the same scumbags are in government ( or half of them ) guess where they are going to go .

  5. The trouble with political correctness is that it resolutely imputes motive without fear of evidence. It assumes that certain words are axiomatically pejorative without regard for motive/intention/context and thereby restricts freedom of expression and debate; worse still, it seeks to inhibit freedom of thought and so encourages intellectual laziness – which seems to be catching on. It is, however, a way to engineer a population of useful idiots and create a received wisdom; the p bit gives it all away. Of course, if you are ‘innocent’ you have ‘nothing to fear’; and what did the Naz say about throwing stones? In any case, two wrongs don’t make the other thing. As Woody Allen said: “Life’s great, once you get over the guilt..”

  6. My goodness John I thought you were more savvy than to equate being called a “whitey” or “honkey” to using nigger or even Negro. Try calling a pro basketball–millionaire–player that in the US. And as a rule of thumb if in the context of a dust-up you call anyone out on their colour, race or ethnicity it’s pretty well prima facie racist or discriminatory.

    • Patz: So if I’m in dust up with a person of colour, any race at all, and I refer to their race/colour/ethnicity through bloodied teeth, who exactly am I discriminating against, if it’s a one on one……….the rest of the planet that I’m NOT fighting at that particular moment?

    • So “negro” is racist and “honkey” is not? What kind of tool are you?
      You and all the other pc drones should get the f*ck over themselves.
      Jeez, where did all of you dweebs suddenly come from since the 90s…

      • And you Terp, or is it Twerp? should get a grip on your native tongue. Calling out something as pc is just an excuse for racism. So here goes, pearls to swine as it were: the reason one is racist and the other is not or is markedly less so is the power imbalance inherent in the use of derogatory, i.e. racist nomenclature referring to people of colour. There is a long history in white European culture (which includes the US) of referring to some derogatorily as a means of putting/keeping them in their place. There is only recent and sporadic history of it going the other way.

        So you can sit around congratulating yourselves as wise, white “superior” people but rest assured the rest of the world sees it differently.

  7. “Negro? I’ve been called Honkey and Whitey in Brixton. Get over it you bloody daft Jesse”. Where was your your support for Suarez during the FA Hearings,
    Is it because it involved Manchester United?

    • No actually, it was because I can’t stand that f**kwit Dalgleish. I met him 35 years ago when my client was sponsoring a Scotland game. What a big-headed prick.
      And his blind support for Suarez did the lad no favours. Ferguson should’ve told his player to grow up and shut up.

  8. As my late father put it, “The colour of ones skin doesn’t have any bearing on one being a complete pillock!”

    • Precisely Woodgnome, so the corollary to that is, if someone’s a “complete pillock” there is no need to reference said pillock’s race, gender, colour, bank account, address, sexual proclivities or assignment, is there?

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