These Ezoners, they’re ‘avin’ a larf, right?

Rough diamond Angie serves another regular

Like a third-rate soap opera, the EU lumbers along: the acting is poor, the continuity terrible, the script unbelievable, and of course – as with any soap – nothing is ever resolved. Instead of Eastenders, this is Ezoners.

Still running the Ezone’s biggest pub The Deutschland Uber Alles is hard-bitten barmaid Angie Merkel. She’s not sure whose side local lothario Mario Draghi (owner of Ezone’s bistro La Trattoria d’Euro) might be on – of late he’s been running regular cheap-drink Happy Hours to tempt away her regulars – but together they plot to face off local hoodlums The Dallaran Hedgie Gang, who are still charging a number of local stallholders protection money. Greek kebab stall proprietor Vinny ‘Fats’ Zelos is in hospital again, the victim of a hit-and-run attack on his oil supplies by the Ezone Council, but in his absence Angie and Mario have told the Dallorans to sling their ‘ook.

Local moneylender Frufru Lagarde says the stallholders have had a whip-round, but Big Charlie Dalloran is threatening to get all unnecessary unless they pay more. Frufru addresses the locals in Angie’s own pub – liberteee –  and says Angie, Slick Narcozy and Dave Camerlot should stump up some more before someone gets ‘urt. But down the road in his posh nightclub The Leveson Lounge, Dave and his partner ‘Draper’ Osborne plan to do a moonlight before the rent goes up next year. The Leveson is merely a front for Camerlot’s hackgate-laundering scam, but there are threats from rival gangster Slick Narcozy, whose local Farmers’ Market the Credit Agricole is also under pressure from Big Charlie’s Hedgy heavies. Narco said in the last episode that Dave was like well givin’ ‘im grief an’ ‘e should watch ‘is mouth or else. So things are tense…and it’s time for the next episode.

Last week, Fats Venizelos said he wanted the brown-paper business all wrapped up by Friday, but now Angie has changed her tune and gone and said there is no deadline, I mean what is she like? Italian deli stallholder Mario Monti says sod that missus, we need the spondulicks nah right on account of Charlie’s boys are keen to rearrange my face next. Owner of the local travel bureau Que Viva Espagna Mariano Rajoy is of a similar mind, as nobody wants his holidays and Charlie is fretnin’ to torch ‘is place.

But to everyone’s amazement, Angie, Mario, Slick and the Ezone Council tell Kebab man Vinny Zelos to pull ‘is finger art and come to a deal wiv Charlie. The episode ends with Vinny’s dad Papa Demos and his new mistress Frufru Lagarde givin’ all of ’em a right talkin’ to in the Deutschland, sayin’ that if only they wouldn’t stick their oar in all the bleedin’ time we wunt be in this mess.

Next week: Draper tells Frufru where she can stick ‘er fund, and a house burns down somewhere.


26 thoughts on “These Ezoners, they’re ‘avin’ a larf, right?

  1. I wonder whether the Troika would always have demanded less than the final IIR offer. That way Greece gets thrown to the wolves and it’s all the hedgies fault. Stops the worry about good money after bad and maybe does a bit of ‘ecourager les autres’ at the same time.


  2. I notice the latest deadline,Monday I think it was, for a settlement of the Greek bond problem has come and gone, again.

    On a slightly different tack I wondered if the so called strong currency, Q.E. over our dead bodies, German central bankers and politicians have taken this snippet of information on board.

    From an article on Mish’s Global Economic trend Analysis.

    Comments by Steen Jakobsen, chief economist for Saxo bank in Denmark.

    Also…please, please let this talk about whether or not the ECB is doing QE stop right now.
    The ECB’s balance sheet is up 38% since July 1st of last year.
    The same period saw the Fed’s balance increase by one per cent!
    Talk about printing money.


  3. The surprise to me is that neither the Bundestag nor the Bundesbank nor the German constitutional judges have called the ECB out on its money printing gameplan. Everybody knows what’s going on…except the German electorate apparently.


  4. This has just been posted on Zerohedge about five minutes ago. It might interest a few of you.

    Someone in the EU is pulling a fast one by the sounds of things. Comments?

    Please do not confuse the Bundesbank and the ECB – nor the German government with the EU commission.

    Quite where Merkel and Schäuble fit into all this is another matter altogether. I wonder if they have more to do with Monti than with the CDU/CSU. Perhaps Viking Jack can put a better gloss on this for me, he seems more in touch with German politics than I am from my little home in quiet Holland.


  5. Rui
    The deadline has been erased in the Ministry of Truth – did you see that? Merkel snapped at a newsman this morning, “There never was a deadline!”
    So there.


  6. I literally just came from reading it.
    Tyler Durden….weeeell, inclined to be excitable. But it needs looking into.


  7. Nothing surprises me any more where the EU is involved. As I have said countless times before, the EU has become a fascist organisation and is carrying out a coup against democracy thru the back door. This ESM Treaty is just the latest example.
    By the time they’ve finished there will only be democratic lip service left…and of course the huge costs of their failures dumped on taxpayers who never gave their assent to events in the first place. The British Govt are up to their necks in this fiasco just as all other EU Govts are.


  8. The new European post-democratic management goes under curious names. Papa Demos, featured here, loosely translates as Father (or perhaps Pope) of the People. In Italy, monte is a mountain, but also means ‘load’ as in shedload, so Mario Monti is Mario with the Shedloads. Mario Draghi is also a curious plural. Drago is an Italian dragon, but can also refer to someone successful, as in “a tennis e’ un drago”. These humble folk then are to be our dear Dear Leaders.

    Someone somewhere is seriously taking the piss out of the present situation.


  9. @BT

    I think we need to make distinctions between organizations and institutions that are not democratic at all – that is to say Banks, corporations owned by shareholders and the like – and institutions that are (or should be) democratic like parliaments.

    The first group are naturally inclined to be immoral because there is nothing to them but the bottom line.

    The second group there is hope for. Read some of JW’s comments in the last days and even in Britain there are a few MPs who have some integrity. Not as many as in the Bundestag or as many as in the Tweede Kamer. They are still there.

    You cannot make a start with the situation we have by cutting the good with the bad alike – Thatcher made that mistake with the coal and steel industries.

    I will remind you that when I lived in Germany, having arrived from South Africa, I found a country that was at ease with its democracy in that the electorate expected to be heard. I had no vote, but felt my voice to be heard through the actions of my friends and the vitality I found in their political views.

    Moving to Britain, where I got the vote, I felt disenfranchised. The politicians did not listen, and they did not listen for a very good reason: the electorate did not expect them to listen. In short, those around me, the humble carpenters I speak so fondly of in my blog, were to put it crudely, politically immobile. They had no sense, and worse, no interest. I found that profoundly disspiriting.


  10. @Gemz: The business community of any democratic country is supposed to behave and operate in accordance with the laws/rules & regulations set down by the elected government. So in theory they are accountable to the electorate although I accept it’s a dodgy link and there has been – and still is – a lot of abuse and brown envelopes.

    But when it comes to the political elites themselves, in Britain there is no set of rules & regulations for them to comply with…except those which they create themselves to imply to the electorate that they have acceptable standards. ho-ho. A proper set of such rules would be called a constitution but we don’t have one of those things. The consequences are there for all to see. The welfare state/immigration/public finances/police etc etc are all out of control. And the costs of these huge failures always falls onto the taxpayer. And just to keep John W happy, I’m happy to say that the huge mess Britain finds itself in is the fault of all our political parties over a very long time.


  11. According to my understanding of this report the deal that is now being put to the holders of existing Greek bonds would be classed as a default by Fitch, if this is the case surely the holders of the existing bonds would be able to claim the CDS payout.?

    I was under the impression that avoiding the CDS claim scenario was one of the major reasons for all the weasel words, half truths and downright lies that have been uttered by the powers that be during this Greek farce.


  12. @BT

    Upside down as usual, I will start at the bottom and work up …

    I’m happy to say that the huge mess Britain finds itself in is the fault of all our political parties over a very long time.

    So: you underline my point nicely. The British electorate have been asleep at the wheel. What were they doing to allow this to happen? Enjoying the bread and circusses (= council houses and cheap shares thrown to them by the Thatcherites, etc)??

    BT It is not good enough that you say this. You of all people should have stood up against it rather than sitting down and checking your online bank accounts to see how well your shares in British Gas were doing just before you sold them. I am very cross that you – and a notable number of other Brits – should allow this state of affairs to come to pass.

    The business community of any democratic country is supposed to behave and operate in accordance with the laws/rules & regulations set down by the elected government. So in theory they are accountable to the electorate

    Are you being sarcastic? I do hope so. Or were you inhaling?

    If you meant this genuinely, then I have never heard such utter rubbish in a very long time. A business supposed to behave? Goodness. A company according to its statutes is responsible to its shareholders. No more, no less. No democracy or fluffy cuddly bunnies, profit.


  13. @ Gemz

    Trying to get a handle on what the dilletantes in Berlin/Frankfurt are really up to is extremely difficult – one could be forgiven for thinking that that ‘nice’ Mr Goebbels left utilisation manuals behind which are as comprehensive as the workshop manuals for a Jag XJ40. As for being wised up by the MSM or the general public, two comments that I posted yesterday, in regard to Hungary and Italy, just about sum the situation up:

    “And it is not a theme in any of the newspapers here. Even on TV, in the news yesterday, nothing was heard about it.
    So, is something being kept under the blanket here, so that we stupid citizens learn nothing about it. We are simply being lied to.

    “It is indeed interesting that no words about this are being mentioned on DE mainstream TV. In general, anti-EU riots occuring in other EU countries, as long as they are not civil war-like conditions, are only very briefly mentioned in the media.”

    To compound this, as a general rule the MSM in DE – TV/Radio, newspapers and the weekly so-called “Nachrichtenmagazine” such as Spiegel, Stern and Focus – can all be chucked to one side. These days they are basically full of nothing but adverts, fluff and obfuscation, closely akin to their UK equivalents. And they all wonder why circulation figures are falling through the floor!

    To make impeccable decisions one needs impeccable information – but even plain but reliable information is in short supply. So, what are you left with – logical deduction, crystal balls, Tarot cards, runes, chicken bones, reading the entrails – whatever floats your boat! But all of them are fraught with risk.

    For myself, I have become a regular visitor to the websites “Politically Incorrect”, “Deutsche Mittlestands Nachrichten” and “SOSHeimat” in Austria. Not impeccable by any means, but certainly several rungs higher than the MSM. Then, of course, diverse other English language sites such as this one.

    As for the general mood over here, a good friend told me many years ago, “As long as the Germans have beer and sausages readily available, a TV and a car, and can go on a foreign holiday at least once a year, they are not going to make any trouble for anyone!” Perhaps a fair assessment in the mid-80’s – but now?

    I recently read a comment on DMN from someone mentioning that, in his circle of acquaintances, very few young singles can now afford to run a car – unless they were still living at Hotel Mama. Many others, presumably from all over Germany, agreed emphatically with this observation, having also made it themselves! To think that just a couple of years ago the status symbols of your own pad and set of wheels were almost de riguer! Many are now forsaking foreign holidays for visits to local relatives or holidays on Balkonia – the days of a travel agency on every second street corner have long gone. Let us see what happens in the next few months with the other “necessities of life.”

    Meanwhile, do you know anyone who could use a set of workshop manuals for a Jag XJ40? I too could no longer afford to keep mine on the road – even though it was mechanically sound.


  14. Thanks for all that, VJ. I agree about Der Spiegel, especially its English version. The German side is a little better – but not a patch on Zeit. Have you noticed that some of the better stuff in Bild is around the quality of the Daily Telegraph? Either dumbing down or dumbing up …

    As to workshop manuals – have you ever noticed how they always say “reassembly is the reverse of the above” and in my experience of having tried changing a set of disc brakes is quite evidently not the case. The brakes took three days to change (I spent one trying to find a longer bar to get the wheelnuts undone – but I digress) and it saved me around €50. Last of the big earners! I own an ageing Corsa that does 4,5l/100kms (50+mpgs) which for something 17yrs old is pretty good going. Its current value is around €100 so it is staying mine for the moment.


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