Commenting on his new look yesterday, Jedward Miliband said that he was confident the new image would appeal more strongly to the braindead non-voter.

“I think the botox is a little on the heavy side,” he quipped, “but the green restyled hair has been shown in focus groups to appeal strongly in the X-Factor space. Lord Mandelson has been very helpful in the process, and thinks the result is exactly what he wanted, which is most encouraging”.

Reports that Harriet Harman fainted on first seeing the makeover were strongly denied last night by sources close to Jack Dromey.

Told about the new look, the Prime Minister joked that “I think this just goes to show that Ed is green with envy and has nothing positive to offer whereas we’re rolling our sleeves up and working hard to stay in the EU, reconfigure the NHS, and always use the rear entrance when dealing with the banks.”