Miliband nose-job: beyond the spin

Mr Miliband recently shown promoting a newspaper he despises

Op aims to stop audiences snoring during his speeches

If ever there was a load of old bollocks, it was the press release covering the ‘reason’ for Ed Miliband’s nose operation yesterday: to help with his ‘sleep apnea’ problem. The real issue being addressed is that when he speaks, Ed thunds like heeth got a gubshield up hith nothe, and vugh thound iwwtateththethe the cwap out of  evvvywun.

But very few people realise that the operation was booked months ago with another aim in mind: to reshape the conk in order that he might more easily insert it up the Dirty Digger’s bumhole.

Although that is no longer necessary now that Ed the Brave has discovered Mr Murdoch to be the Devil’s Spawn, the op will go ahead in order to help Mr Miliband smell trouble more easily. Said his media advisor, illegitimate Roop-son Tom Baldrick, “I had to move Heaven and Earth to get Ed an audience with Sir Rupert, and foolishly he was all for it. It’s tough working for a bloke with no sense of smell”.

Among other things Ed has yet to smell is the plot against his supine leadership, a rat (take your pick), when Labour-supporting Piers Morgan’s goose is cooking nicely, and when the Wapping Liars are using him for publicity purposes.

Replying to criticism of his voice, Mr Miliband observed, “Lithen, Labuh ith yoour voith in hard timeth”.

Related: Ed Miliband’s 90th minute conversion to Murdoch-bashing.

14 thoughts on “Miliband nose-job: beyond the spin

  1. He does kinda put you off when he speaks and that’s before you work out what he is on about.

    Worst one by far for me is Peston, his inflections are on the wrong words, his breath intakes are wrong, in short it’s too much of an effort to listen to the guy when your back teeth are grating.


  2. I just let other people do the ‘listening’ for me. I just can’t bring myself to pay any attention to his banal diatribe. At least he ‘nose’ what is going on and..

    Peersie has been twittering his ‘river in Egypt’ account of his behaviour as former editor of the trash he refers to as newspaper. De-nile. He is not a happy bunny, He is hopping mad infact. ooh- err- I say!

    According to the Independant: MP Tom watson and an award winning journalist will be writing a book about the ‘hackgate’ detailing the humble beginings to today’s mess. It promises to have no holds barred. Here is hope. Perhaps the chance to initiate an intellectual revolution, and get our powers back which were removed by mediocre,melodramatic,Idiots.

    I have a dream….


  3. The doctor who performed the operation should have given him a nose more fitting of his personality, three foot long with a birds nest at the end of it.


  4. Tom Watson! If our salvation lies with people like him, we’ve had it.
    The book will be a self-congratulatory heap of nonsense. He and his boss are just “hacked” off that they didn’t get support from the Murdoch media in the election.
    Bet the book won’t reveal the Labour party’s links to Murdoch.
    Until the whole corporatist power structure of this country is demolished (of which the pols are part), the country will fail the people.


  5. I certainly hope it sheds some light as to WHAT , if not the sulking for being denied support at the last election, Was the REAL reason to expose this spec of media filth. I am sure the LABOUR party and all it’s inhabitants will shrivel, and sqeek. I would wager that Messrs Watson will stand as an Independant MP ( either by persuasion of whip or self preservation). Either way, I do sincerely hope it will be a further revelation. Until that day- we shall continue to enjoy our John’s commitment to justice and fair play. I really dig the Mutual society ideaology. The rest of the world is catching on….slowley.

    Quote “Until the whole corporatist power structure of this country is demolished (of which the pols are part), the country will fail the people”.

    I wholeheartedly agree with this sentiment. But would add, when did it ever NOT fail the people?


  6. I believe a lot of people of the same race as Red Ed are prone to having enlarged adenoids and the associated speech impediment. Summat to do with genes I believe. In most cases it’s not a problem and they live with it.
    But the sound Red Ed makes when he speaks is clearly recognisable and mild-strong anti-semitism, or just suspicions/doubts, run deep among socialist believers (including the BNP who are mostly ex-Labour voters), despite all the socialist PC crap and thought control heaped onto society over the last coupla decades.
    So Ed probably wants to normalise his voice to help hide his race and improve his election chances…if he’s still Labour Leader at the time!


  7. Addendum: I’m puzzled why Red Ed doesn’t also have a “mouth job”.

    Anybody who looks closely at him when he speaks will have noticed that he alternates from speaking out of each side of his mouth. I’ve never really understood what this affliction is caused by…


  8. Sniffing up warm salty water through nostrils, then expelling it helps with catarrh, which I am certain he also suffers from, plus a problem with tight muscle under his tongue-
    Horses have lollopy tongues, so do giraffes, in fact so does my spaniel. Are bods sprayed as he speaks?

    Speech therapy could be beneficial


  9. Now then John… you know very well that the opration couldn’t be to ready the Milipede conk for insertion in the Murdoch arschlock – he wouldn’t be able to get it past Blair’s boots.


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