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Slog vindicated as Court rules Sally Bercow McAlpine tweet was libellous

A victory for the dissemblers

As The Slog predicted a week ago, well-known admirer of media manipulators and Lord Machiavelli, Alfie McAlpswine (not of Wrexham and Chester in any way whatsoever) has won his libel ‘case’ against Sally Wifeof-Berk, oh what a terrible result.

There are many who deserve thanks for this outcome, but in particular I should like make especial mention of the amateur-night performance of the BBC in naming the wrong branch of the McAlpine building dynasty, and Carter F**k for allegedly completely mishandling what should’ve been an open and shut case…or so I have been told by experts, but beyond that I couldn’t possibly comment.

I should like to take this opportunity once again of unreservedly confirming my long-stated view that Lord Alf is not a paedophile, but that his second cousin Jimmy McAlpine most assuredly was a child-buggering bastard of great infamy.

There will now be long pause in any reporting of anything to do with Lord McScalpine by the spineless molluscs working for the mainstream media.

Earlier: Four go mad in Europe

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ECONOMIC SIGNALS: Things are getting steadily better than even worse, even though the good signs are worse than when things were bad.

Why do our economic headlines suggest headless chickens?

For two months now, I have felt that the best thing is to stay short in long, but also sell short while holding folding, just in case the long game stops spreading portfolios from broadening bond yield concentrations in the eurozone – or of course, narrowing interest-rate swaps take the heat off derivative swaps in Asia. It’s also pretty clear (to me at least) that falling gold prices and rising unemployment are a sure sign of something, and could be a wake-up call for all those silver fans anxiously looking to buy Portuguese Escudo futures in the absence of any present danger they can link to the past.  It could therefore be a good time to play the currency markets, or even float the idea of a Yuan market-play hedged against the Dollar-price of dark liquidity clouds within virtually platformed American Eagle instruments.

I got to this clarified strategy by each day reading the online, TV and press headlines that are there to guide investors like me: that is, those who have only a functioning left brain and a firm grip on reality to guide them. Today’s efforts have so far been in the same vein:

‘Eurozone confidence falls for second straight month, strengthening case for a rate cut on Thursday’ Daily Telegraph

This was bad news for those in euros, but if so then it was news to those trading in it:

‘The euro strengthened 0.4 percent against the dollar at 11:20 a.m. London time. Yields on Italian 10-year bonds fell 10 basis points to 3.96 percent. The Markit iTraxx Europe index of investment-grade company credit risk fell two basis points for the longest streak since September 2009′ Bloomberg

But never mind fellas, because things must be turning round in Italy with yield-falls on that scale, or maybe they aren’t:

‘Kick-starting the eurozone’s third-biggest economy after nearly two years of recession will be the priority for Enrico Letta, Italy’s new centre-left prime minister’ Financial Times

Right, so the kick-start is the objective – there hasn’t actually been a start of the engine yet or perhaps there has:

‘Markets applauded political progress in Italy, extending a rally in stocks and allowing Rome to secure the lowest funding cost at a debt auction in over two years’ Wall Street Journal

That’s all good then, so there’ll be a honeymoon of confidence for new guy Enrico Letta, or on the other hand there won’t:

‘Letta will speak in parliament ahead of the 3pm confidence vote’ The Independent

No, you see Letta is having to face a confidence vote on his first day in office because some bloke tried to shoot him. This seems harsh, or perhaps it’s fair because past performance does suggest that most politicians need shooting. But either way, I’m putting more money behind the Pound because:

‘Sterling extended gains after GDP data confirmed the Chancellor’s optimism about eluding a UK recession’ Investorposts.com

Excellent, that’s crystal clear and consistent although hang on a minute that might be wrong:

‘MPs on the Public Accounts Committee, today published a report that claims the Treasury’s grand plan is not a real plan with a strategic vision and clear priorities but “simply a long list of projects requiring a huge amount of money”‘ Daily Telegraph City Briefing email

Yes, I know what they mean…I thought that a bit too, and there’s not much room for maneouvre because after all a lot of the money like social and education stuff is untouchable, I mean that’s what ring-fencing means and then again on the other hand no it doesn’t:

‘Hundreds of millions of pounds will be taken from ring-fenced health and education budgets and used to protect Armed Forces, under new plans’ Daily Telegraph

You see, the ring fencers didn’t reckon with all those soldiers tunnelling under the fence, but not to worry because Iain Duncan-Smith has made an impassioned appeal to rich pensioners to give back all those benefit payments they can’t afford to do without, which is perhaps why it now seems he didn’t say anything like that at all:

‘Work and pensions secretary clarifies comments, saying he is neither encouraging nor discouraging return of benefits’ The Guardian

Quite right there, IDS….you sit on the ring-fence mate, and let the citizens make their own minds up. After all, that’s what business and investment is all about: clear direction and reliable consistency so everyone like me can make sound investment decisions, and then do better than those who are sound asleep even though, since February 12th I haven’t changed anything in my investment portfolio, so the dreamy folks and I are neck and neck at the moment. Yes, it’s anyone’s game: the trick is not to worry about gains getting lost as earnings go up or confidence goes down. Oh no, not a bit of it. That’s all changed now, to the point where today it’s about coming out even….for example, even more confused than you were a year ago, but somehow expecting an even break, even if nobody seems to know WTF they’re doing except screwing us all even more blatantly than good old Hank Paulson all those years ago.

Did you ever imagine you’d feel nostalgic about Hank Paulson? Me neither…..but I do now.

Earlier at The Slog: Buying that second-hand Fiat Currency from Draghi Motors

 

 

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Everything getting better, it’s now a mosaic

For sheer undiluted and insouciant irony, it would be hard to beat this extract from Frou-Frou Lafarge’s speech to the Economic Club of New York yesterday (my emphases):

“Five years after Lehman, is the world finally getting back on a positive path? I wish I could give you a simple answer but, unfortunately, the truth is a bit more complicated than that, and looks more like a mosaic.
The good news is that after a particularly volatile period, financial conditions are showing signs of improvement. Thanks to the actions of policymakers, the economic world no longer looks quite as dangerous as it did six months ago.”
I particularly like that last bit. Thank you indeed, policymakers: you forgave no debt, you bailed out banks which deserved to die, you trebled the cost of the Greek Establishment’s spendfest, you lied about the recovery (twice), you threw our money at a problem to get precisely nowhere, you destroyed the EU’s economy…and the result is a mosaic.
The dictionary definition of mosaic is ‘A picture or pattern produced by arranging together small coloured pieces of hard material, such as stone, tile, or glass’. But not Seagall. The hard material is called Schäuble, the stone is van Rompuy, the tile is Draghi (best terrazzo quality, goes with anything) and the glass is a carefully-blown pattern of politicians one can see through instantly. But as Eric Morecambe would’ve said, “You’ve got all the right materials sunshine, just not necessarily in the right order”.
Economics on the ground is a simple process. It is economists staring into the rear-view mirror – and then running up the backside of the truck ahead – that make it seem difficult. A simple equation:
Higher taxes + lower wages + Sovereign investment cuts = slump.
There are no exceptions to this rule. None, zero, nul. That’s it. Another simple equation:
Overspending + more borrowing + trade deficit = default.
There’s no way out of that one either.
Unfortunately, it’s where we are. I didn’t get us there, and neither did any of you…unless you’re still reading Chris Huhne, in which case “Hi”. It was ‘the actions of policymakers‘ that got us to here. And it’s a bad place to start, because there’s no way out for anyone with a tramline mind.
As Lafarge of the IMF concludes, “the economic world no longer looks quite as dangerous as it did six months ago.” And in this sense she’s right: the world always looks less dangerous when you’re dead.

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Smoke Signals

smokesigsTurkish Delight. Customs officers at Thessaloniki Airport report increasing numbers of Turks flying out of Greece towards Austria, declaring huge amounts of physical gold, then flying in again with more. Further investigation has uncovered many cases of Turkish citizens buying huge plots of land throughout Western Thrace, around a core Muslim minority there numbering some 150,000. Greek authorities now allegedly fear that there is a plan to  establish a Turkish “Protectorate” there when the time seems right – backed by gold using land-claims bought with gold. The customs men are wondering if, perhaps, this is the slice of Turkish Delight given to Ankara as part of the Cyprus deal. To the victors the spoils, and all that.

To me, I have to say it looks like something being done covertly with German help: a large percentage of Merkel’s pro-euro proles are based in Austria….and the country’s banking system has long been used to test-market gold-buying restrictions.

Erdogan’s purge. Meanwhile, back at the core of the Greater Ottoman Empire Turkish Islamist Recep Erdogan is encountering fierce resistance to his policy of maximising the population of the country’s prisons. A few days ago,  Turkish police fired water cannon and tear gas to disperse thousands of demonstrators outside a courthouse near Istanbul where three hundred purged officers are on trial.  The crowd tried to tear down police barriers in front of the courthouse in Silivri, waving Turkish flags and chanting anti-government slogans.

But Erdogan the Mad continues to challenge the independence of judiciary, culture conspiracy theories to provide a basis for jailing his opponents, imprison countless journalists, and issue fines against unfriendly media companies. Turkey now has – officially – a larger population of political prisoners per citizen than any EU member: nothing like getting a return on your investment. But this is the regime that some Eunatics want in the EU, and this is the man whom David Cameron would rather do business with than Israel. For a while last week, it also became the place that Netanyhahu would rather do business with than Greece or Cyprus: but word reaches me that Benny in Tel Aviv is already getting restive about Obama’s rapprochement plans.

Mario Draghicula’s wage repression starts to take shape. I’ve had many emails and articles sent to me since revealing the ECB Director’s Midnight Mass sermon about EU productivity recently. They all add up to one obvious outcome: Draghi’s neocon pauperisation scam is being rolled out.

Internal Member State agreements linking wages to inflation are now asserted officially by the ECB as being ‘incompatible with monetary union’ and off-limits, I hear. Cyprus has such a wage indexation system, called the ‘Cost of Living Adjustment (‘COLA’), but it won’t for long. The Troika has already drafted legislation for the scheme to be abandoned. To do so does make some economic sense, but the level of undemocratic and illegal interference in the affairs of those being groomed for rape in the new dawn of  FiskalUnion is now so overt it is no longer funny. The Troika has prepared a memorandum helpfully explaining to Cypriot legislators that wage indexation must ‘not to be applied in the private sector until 2014, whereas it is suspended in the wider public sector for the next three years’.

Spain was bullied out of its collective bargaining clauses three years ago. Now it seems that next on the list for dictation are Belgium, Luxembourg and Malta. I’m as big a critic of block-vote Union power as anyone, but I don’t see the alternative as Arbeit macht frei. Clearly, Mario does: the Pact of Steel between the fascisti of Europe is reborn. Golden Dawn must be creaming their jeans.

Last night at The Slog: Paedophilephilia reaches a new summit

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BREAKING…Japan: Land of the Falling Yen

Yen hits 100 to the Dollar

The Yen went from 92.6 to 98 per US Dollar yesterday. Overnight it moved from 98 to 100.That was the nice round figure as of 08.40 BST today, Friday: and is, I understand, the BOJ’s target.

Clearly, the threat of thermo-nuclear conflict is good for exports.

First thing today, the Swiss Central Bank reacted, and piled in to ensure the SF lost 1.16 centimes against the falling Yen.

It’s a zero sum game, but these blokes are desperate.

 

Overnight, the Swiss Franc has lost 1.16 centimes against it.

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BRISTOW HELICOPTERS: Cutting services, aggressive tax avoidance, and five big questions for HMG to answer

Three days after The Slog revealed the bizarre details behind the ‘privatisation’ of  the search and rescue helicopter service, the Daily Telegraph comes up with exclusive additional dodginess. Below, The Slog adds still more.

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Believe it or not, this is Transport Minister Patrick McLughlan as a young man. He is picture here against a backdrop of the new 20% faster Bristow Helicopters fleet. Believe it or not, I made the second part up.

72 hours after The Slog’s demolition of the Bristow Helicopters deal, the Daily Telegraph reports that the new fleet size under the ‘privatisation’ will be only 45% of the old one.  While the new craft are reputed to be 20% faster than the existing Sea Kings, Richard Drax, Conservative MP for South Dorset condemned the cuts, saying they would have a severe impact on safety.

Showing remarkable logic for an MP, Mr Drax points out that “However fast it is, one helicopter can only be in one place at one time.” That’s as good a deconstruction of bollocks as you’ll ever read: slash amount of helicopters by 55%, increase speed by 20%, result – unhappiness. Ask the Fire Service, and they’ll fill you in on the detail.

Meanwhile, as promised previously at The Slog, herewith an interesting Companies House entry about Bristow’s Holding Company:

‘Bristow Aviation Holdings Limited have total assets of £0 plus total liabilities of £1,367,206,000. They owe £22,652,000 to creditors and are due £129,985,000 from trade debtors. Last year, they paid £-14,933,000 in tax and had £107,489,000 in cash reserves. According to their last financial report, the business made a gross profit of £75,029,000. Their book value is £-457,369,000, and the value of their shareholders’ fund is £-448,690,000.’

Even the bloody European Union does better than zero assets and liabilities of £1.4bn. Also, owing an eye-watering £22.6 billion with only £130 million due from creditors must be a world record….especially when they somehow miraculously have £107m in cash reserves.

It also seems that the HMRC owes them £15m in tax rebates. Lucky them.

And finally, the company is worth minus £457m, and the shareholders’ fund minus £450m. That must make for some lively AGMs.

Now before some smartarsed, goggle-eyed and humourless bean-counter points out to me the reason why holding companies write up this kind of sh*t, allow me to point out that I did not just fall off the Christmas tree. These accounts have aggressive US tax avoidance scam written all over them. As usual, they bear no relation to reality.

I merely wish to ask these simple questions, and get some answers:

1. Exactly how much tax did Bristow Aviation Holdings pay into the Treasury’s depleted coffers last year? How much will it cough up this year?

2. How much tax will each of six lucky directors pay in tax as and when they sell these ‘negative value’ shareholdings?

3. If the answers are as I suspect, how can HMG condemn aggressive tax avoidance on the one hand, and then sell the search and rescue service to just such an avoider on the other?

4. Is not the speed/numbers thing an open-and-shut case of shortcutting privatisers taking risks with deserving lives?

5. Please could I buy a million Class A shares in Bristow, and have them pay me £30m?

I despise tax accountancy used for greedy purposes. Society is more important than shareholders. I will be a dog with a bone on this one. Over to you, Patrick McLoughlan.

If you enjoyed this little tale, you will probably also enjoy the exploitation of a military grave

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At the End of the Day

Raining on the Easter Parade

It is one of the madder tenets of Friedmanite ‘economics’ that most people can’t do without working 8 til 8 seven days a week just so they can make more and more money and get more and more rich. So I am always reassured when, by 2 pm on the day before long Easter weekends begin, every office in Britain is emptier than a Cypriot bank account.

I get the same joy from watching Boris Johnson playing Albert to Eddie ‘Wallace’ Mair’s Lion during a TV interview. BoJo’s near-total inability to offer any defence of Mair’s five charges against him was funny, but easily surpassed by the sight this morning of Darius Guppy defending him. Having Guppy (a fellow old Etonian and convicted fraudster) defend you is akin to a top Nazi pitching up at Nuremburg and discovering that his counsel is called Genghis Stalin. The piece is in The Spectator, a once fine magazine now also run by sociopathic barbarians, and Guppy’s defence is constructed in the style of Arsene Wenger being asked about a penalty decision. Not to be missed.

However, Treat of the Week pre-Easter for me had to be watching Jeroen René Victor Anton Dijsselbloem of Holland making his debut on the world economic stage. Were there any justice in that world it would also have been his Farewell Tour, but things don’t work that way in the EU which, as we all know only too well, is not of this world. I can now exclusively reveal to a shocked readership that Jeroen is a torpedophile. Whatever the situation, the Dutchman launches a torpedo.

U-BootKapitain Dijsselbloem sees a small bailout requirement through his periscope, and torpedoes it. He gets a chance to reassure the world in his sights, and he torpedoes it. He has a eurogroup document issued to help him, and he torpedoes it. After a while with Jero, you get the feeling that if he saw the Titanic, he’d torpedo it.

dijsselbloemcurlyIt’s not as if he starts off with that many advantages of nature. He looks like a Jeremy Hunt clone who, in desperation, went into a provincial hairdresser and received the attentions of a a nostalgic homosexual of immensely strong character. This is the only explanation I can offer for his ownership of a hair-do (left) that hails from 1982, but really belongs at the back of a family album where people laugh at how we once looked when we were all silly.

On Wall Street (where he’s now universally known as Djissellbomb) the newest game I’m told is deciding what fundamental his U-boat will attack next: will it be gold, property, energy, or hope?

If the mordant humour of this piece has overtones of hysteria, I’m sure most Sloggers will understand why. Hits may have fallen off a cliff after lunchtime today (as everyone rushed to gain poll position on the blocked autoroutes of the Western World) but a short break to celebrate one ancient Nazarene’s largely misunderstood self-sacrifice isn’t going to change the size or destructive capacity of the accelerating game-changer heading our way.

Here too, one is spoilt for choice when it comes to descriptions. Is this approaching Thing, for example, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse surfing into town atop a giant Tsunami? Or is it a meteor smack-dab on course for Earth in a do-or-die race with a deadly solar flare to see which one gets here first? Nobody knows.

The average MSM newspaper/ratings agency/forecaster/banking firm thinks either that the meteoric Tsunami will miss us and hit Venus, or that it doesn’t exist anyway – and even if it does, they have it entirely under control. That such views are rigidly adhered to is obvious from the MSM’s output on this, the day before Jesus ran the Pharisees round in circles and was condemned to death for his trouble.

It seems, for instance, that triple-dip recession fears eased as leading economic forecaster the OECD claimed that the UK had already ‘returned to growth’, while officials reported that the dominant services sector had expanded at its strongest pace in five months. No mention therein, you will note, of fewer people having a fulltime job than ever before, and the elephantine nature of services being not so much dominant as The Only Thing We Have.

The Financial Times in turn reported that ‘The S&P 500, a bellwether for the US economy and professional investors, pushed through its record closing high from 2007 on Thursday morning, completing a strong recovery from the depths of the financial crisis’. The FT warns people giving it free publicity that we shouldn’t rip off their expertise, and that of course ‘High quality journalism requires investment’. In which case, my advice to the Pink ‘un is “invest a whole lot more, and change your dumb business model” because braindead reporting like the above could be performed by a reasonably intelligent Jack Russell terrier.

Let me just make some simple over-arching comments on the two paragraphs above. There has not been and won’t be a triple-dip recession: there is only a depression alleviated minimally by trillions in QE and mountains of media bollocks. Britain is working fewer hours per capita now than it was in 1934. Jobless growth is an idiotic concept. A fast pace means nothing if the base was zero. That insane bourses pump up stocks bearing no relation to reality is not a subject for rejoicing. A completed recovery can be demolished inside five days of a liquidity crisis. Remember what happened immediately after the 2007 high.

The trouble with rationality and empirical measurement is that it is such a miserable killjoy. It just can’t stop getting in the way of nice folks on the top table having fun. But what we face more and more at the moment is an econo-fiscal world acting out horrifying unreality through the medium of a mafiosa wedding in The Godfather. A Sicilian jolly-jolly violin and oompahpah band plays in the background as psychopaths greet each other politely, and pretend that cosa nostra is a very very very nice house….as opposed to a killing machine designed to rob, cheat and hook the population. Gentle formalities and charity cheques are exchanged between people who fire bullets into ears and then supply the body with a concrete overcoat. And the merest hint of disrespect is punished by a hail of bullets later described as “nothing personal, just business”.

I’m sure you can all detect the parallels I’m making. In fact, Easter in south eastern Europe isn’t for another month. But here in the insolvent western EU and affiliated flatlining Anglosphere, the Easter Bunny is preparing to hide all those chocolate eggs in the garden, lambs will be roasting on circotherm oven spits, the tooth fairy is standing guard by every infant’s pillow, and they’re coming to take me away hah-hah, to the Funny Farm, where life is beautiful all the time, all covers are closed before striking, and loving life has made me bananas.

Enjoy the weekend.

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EL PAIS SLUR AGAINST MERKEL: Why German politicians need a reality check

“Another boy did it and ran away” simply isn’t going to cut it any more for Berlin. History is repeating, and the German government must moderate its actions.

“Merkel, like Hitler, has declared war on the rest of the continent now to secure their economic living space” wrote Spanish newspaper El Pais this morning. “You started it – you invaded Poland,” said Basil Fawlty in the famous British sitcom. The Germans will never live down their past if they continue to relive it in the present.

Just as, for many decades, it was impossible to suggest that the Jews might be wrong about something, some time around 1980 it became infra dig to mention Germany’s past. These two matters are in the same territory as suggesting that Black rule in Africa hasn’t exactly been an unqualified success, large parts of Islamic belief are misogynist, and British soldiers committed atrocities in Korea.

I read this afternoon that El Pais has withdrawn its headline. I truly do not know why, beyond pressure from all the usual gangsters in the EU.

I am an empiricist who hopes for better human behaviour, and a revival of civilised culture. Fluffies are denialists who pretend horrid things didn’t happen and nasty people are nice. They believe that if you stick ‘peace flotilla’ on an obviously arms-laden and aggressive armada designed to cause flashpoints, that’s fine. Sociopaths are people who use Fluffies. Lenin called Fluffies “the useful idiots”. For years from 1965-1985, Fluffies insisted the Soviet Army and the KGB had no designs upon the West. When the KGB files revealing they’d been useful idiots were released after the collapse of the USSR, the Fluffies were silent on the subject. They have been ever since….as they are on the corruption in South Africa.

For some time now, Angela Merkel and Wolfgang Schäuble have been taking advantage of useful idiots on the subject of where the responsibility lies for the eurozone mess. The answer is that it lies slap bang with the human hubris that thought such a potty idea for 27 radically different economies could ever work. Every eurozone member bears the responsibility for that tragic error. But not one of the participants outside ClubMed displays the slightest doubt, flexibility or remorse about the suffering their collective pissing contest has caused – least of all Brussels-am-Berlin.

All the major players in this farce have lied, obfuscated, spun and distracted with unparalleled hypocrisy about the so-called PIIGS. All their mendacity has been found out – on this site, and millions of others like it. But the biggest lie of all is that bigots are somehow using unfair historical archetypes to blame poor, innocent Berlin.

I want to compare two almost exactly parallel events in 2013 and 1938. All I propose to do is present two accounts of what seems, beyond the spin-bollocks, to have actually happened in each case. I ask Sloggers only to compare the diplomatic style involved, and then decide for themselves.

2013

‘In the end, as a representative of Mr Anastasiades told the German newspaper Bild, ‘the Germans held a gun to our chest.’ It was at some time after a meeting of the inner core of the eurogroup which began in another room at 1 a.m. that Mr Asmussen of the ECB pulled out the gun. He told Mr Anastasiades that either he agreed to the deal on bank deposits, or EU funds would be cut off to the country’s two main banks.

Just to ramp up the 3 a.m. terror, Mr Asmussen then rang Mario Draghi, president of the ECB, in front of Mr Anastasiades. The German warned Mr Draghi that the ECB might have to deal with the collapse of the Cypriot banks on Monday. The eurogroup came out and announced that the Cypriot president had agreed that there would be a levy on all bank deposits.’

So if you believe this Daily Mail blog, it least it looks like Draghi is alive. Unlike much in the Mail, this piece is well-researched and based on a variety of reliable and objective sources.

1938

‘On March 14, on command from Berlin, President Hacha and Dr. Frantisek Chvalkovsky, Foreign Minister of Czechoslovakia, arrived in Reich capital. They met with the Führer for three hours. There followed a communique declaring that President Hacha had trustfully laid the fate of the Czech people and country into the hands of the Führer of the German Reich….’

That was the official version. Germany’s “patience was exhausted”, and so the wicked persecution of Sudeten Germans had to be brought to an end. But this is what really happened:

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czech4

No comment, beyond:

“By shrewd and constant application of propaganda, heaven can be presented to the people as hell and, vice versa, the most wretched existence as a paradise”.                    Adolf Hitler in “Mein Kampf.”

“Deprive a person of sleep, and you have them under your thumb”.                     Mao Tse Tung

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THE SATURDAY ESSAY: Six unresolved questions about the Cyprus fiasco

Robbing banks, reducing wages, increasing hours worked: the lessons to take from the Cyprus bailin.

cyprusballoon2The night Cyprus joined the euro….what goes up, must come down

 What is the American State Department up to? What will Turkey do? Why didn’t things develop in Moscow?  Where is Mario Draghi? WTF is this really all about?

How do you tell if a eurocrat is short-sighted? You ask him to spot the difference between a Russian billionaire’s pocket money and a Cypriot’s life savings.

That gag doing the rounds in southern Europe sums up the perfectly natural focus of most people in ClubMed: this is just more of the same old same old Brussels-am-Berlin bullying cock-up, followed by mealy mouthed denials and a screwed up financial system. As indeed it is. Put with less humour but equal bluntness is this verdict from the OECD Director General’s adviser Adrian Blundell-Wignall:

‘The Cyprus crisis is the result of policy mistakes and a failure of collective responsibility, as well as an illustration of what bad policy can do and could do if it’s not corrected.’ Quite. But not everyone is as stupid as they pretend to be.

Type ‘Cyprus’ and ‘Putin’ into The Slog’s search engine, and you can see that this small island is, and always has been, of pivotal strategic importance in relations between Europeans and Arabs. The energy and rare-earth mineral finds of recent years have merely accentuated what was already a place of obvious military importance: access to the Med for Moscow, and a jumping-off point for the US and its obsessive concern with securing energy supplies and the ever-more tenuous Al Qaida.

cypmapWhat very few people do for starters is just look where the hell Cyprus is. As you can see from this map, it is a long way east of Rhodes. That country it appears to be pointing a finger at is Syria. Just after that comes Iraq and Iran. A spit and a throw to the north is Erdogan-run Turkey. Every one of these countries is in one form or another the victim (willing or otherwise) of Islamist advance.

Since 9/11, the so-called War on Terrorism plus Peak Oil theories have had the Americans in a fit of manic focus on this entire area.

Erdogan has always wanted Cyprus ‘back’ (although it was never his in real terms) but more especially he wants the energy fields reconfigured to favour Turkey. Being a NATO ally, he is more than capable of making this mess even more complicated – and the Turks confirmed two days ago that they’d challenge any move by Cyprus to speed up offshore natural gas exploration. Yet there seems to be no pressure from NATO to shut Erdogan up. Why?

For Moscow, the stakes are very high both strategically and in relation to the energy reserves.

In a number of key areas of the region, one of the biggest prospectors in Noble Energy. Former employee Jim Cramer explains:

“…about the nexus between the Cyprus bank bailout deal and the natural gas and oil development in the western Mediterranean…I believe there are some places where these two seemingly unconnected events meet. Since 2010, Noble Energy has been on the front line in exploring the massive Levant basin, including large potential deepwater fields located in both Israeli and Cypriot waters. At every turn, enthusiasm has grown, and it is now thought that the many fields inside the Levant basin could change the natural gas supply dynamic in the entire Western Mediterranean, including both Greece and Italy. Eastern Europe has been forced to depend exclusively on very undependable Russian gas supplies,  periodically cut by the Russians dependent upon prices and their own national demand, as well as their national interest. But the now-nearly ready supply from the Leviathan and Tamar fields might begin to break that Russian hegemony. The Tamar field will begin production in April, promising more than a 1 billion cubic feet a day of natural gas, a small but important start….”

So here is a way for Moscow to escape into the Med, have a finger in both energy pies, and avoid being stitched out of its all-important energy-supply business. But also here is an American company leading the charge. What we haven’t seen is any evidence of the US State Department getting heavy with Brussels, Berlin, or Moscow in public.

Even more mystifying (although there were cold Muscovite feet from the start of the the Russo-Cypriot bailout talks) the sessions came to nothing: Russia walked away. Why?

The EC itself is now admitting (a rarity in itself) that this the Cyprus bailout offer was a cock-up. But the ECB has delivered an ultimatum (anyone remember there being a vote on that?) to Nicosia saying ‘Monday is it guys: if you’re in fine, if you’re not, you’re broke’. Yet of the most powerful financial officer in Europe, Mario Draghi, there is no sign: nothing, in fact, since March 7th. Why?

Former Foreign Minister and losing Presidential candidate of Cyprus George Lillikas said Wednesday last that he was certain a Cypriot eurozone exit would lead to the collapse of the single currency. “I am sure that if one country, no matter how small, leaves the eurozone, the euro will collapse,” he said, “but the troika’s suggestions of imposing a tax on deposits in Cypriot banks would destroy the island’s banking system”. As indeed it would. Yet Berlin turned up the heat on Cyprus yesterday, increasing the amount Nicosia must raise to secure a bailout…despite the mortal injury that Cyrpriot exit could inflict on the eurozone via a mélange of rebellion and financial contagion. Why?

This leaves us with a number of questions to answer. And you must, I’m afraid accept most of what follows for what it is: informed speculation. I’ve been given some steers and hints along the way, but nothing concrete.

I think there’s every reason to suspect that the US is giving Turkey a long leash, because it needs Turkey as a base (and a suitable place to invent fictitious crap about Syria) through which it can neutralise first Assad and then Iran. The American strategy is clear: support the Sunni Muslim Brotherhood against the Shi’ite Iranians and Alhawite Syrian élite, and thus secure energy access throughout the Middle East. As so often with the US, the policy is naive, its consequences haven’t been considered enough, and it has no basis in terms of how the Sunnis will run things as and when Assad finally loses. But America is ultimately selfish in foreign policy, and paranoid about energy and raw materials.

That reality may also partly explain why the US State department has been surprisingly private about this whole affair. There are some who will tell you that the long term Pentagon aim for Cyprus is a shared hegemony over the place with Turkey. So a weak Cyprus in hock to the EU might suit both very well. It would also, of course, remove the legal obstacle Brussels would face in having two members, both claiming the island as theirs. But whatever the EU says in public, several key members remain implacably opposed to Turkish entry.

The bigger mystery at first sight is why Putin looked this gift-horse in the mouth. I think there is probably far more to this than Moscow simply being unwilling to clear up the mess created by Brussels-am-Berlin. At a total bailout cost of €18 billion – small change for Russia these days – the Kremlin could’ve broken out from its perceived encirclement and neutralised any EU/US attempt to stitch it out of new energy reserves. In purely geopolitical terms, this looks like an act of completely myopic idiocy.

But there are other important factors. The Mafia/oligarch axis in Russia is virtually indistinguishable from the energy sector. They might get control of the sub-ocean finds – but they might not. If they didn’t – with Nicosia and Putin heavily involved – then their control over the Russian economy would be reduced. It’s likely that the top blokes applied pressure to the talks on that basis.

The Kremlin was also worried about the British naval presence on Cyprus. They seem to have seen the deal as rather like buying a low-priced house with sitting tenants already in place: it isn’t really your house until they leave. In a military dimension, that sort of thing is very important.

Finally, it is clear that Moscow doesn’t trust Anastasiadi, seeing him virtually as an enemy. Allegedly, at the outset of the discussions very little seemed to be on offer from the Cypriots, and this convinced more than one on the Russian side that Nicosia wasn’t serious: that it was using Moscow’s interest as a bargaining tool against the EC. Others in turn pointed out that the bailout amount seemed hazy (as I showed yesterday, it was worked out on the most facile of bases) and likely to pave the way for more debt until Cyprus became a money pit. On the other hand, a Cypriot source thinks the Russians were never serious either, and wished only to wind up the West.

I still find much of this hard to rationalise. It is just possible that Russia no longer sees military attack as the best way to influence events, so the Med has a lower strategic importance for them: that energy and cyberspace are better weapons. That’s what one source in Washington thinks. I’m not convinced.

The mystery of Mario Draghi the Invisible Man is more disturbing in some ways. I posted about Schäuble briefing bigtime against him the week before last, and I now think it boils down to two serious possibilities. The first is that Berlin has somehow neutralised the ECB boss, and told him to stay out of public and leave it to them. If so, he has managed very well to be AWOL during a classic Brussels-am-Berlin cock-up. But even as the ECB demanded a Nicosia decision by Monday and then demanded more money after the Moscow talks broke down, SuperMario was nowhere to be seen. That is odd.

The second possibility – and one I increasingly favour – is that from the outset Mario Draghi saw Cyprus as a distraction, no more: he knows that via his control over the banking purse-strings, he can bring the island to its knees any time he likes. Either he knew (or guessed) that the Berlin mentality would jackboot into the situation and use it as a test-case for (a) future events where threats are felt to be necessary and (b) setting the precedent for State theft of depositor funds under the guise of bollocks like Open Bank Recontruction (OBR) or fantasy ‘levies’. Of course, he would prefer to be away from that grubby operation, but I return to the key word here – distraction: Germany’s aim is control; Draghi’s aim is the survival of the euro, whatever it might cost. The two need not be the same, and in the long term probably won’t be.

I have heard but one rumour about what is distracting Draghi, but that’s all it is. I can however say with near-certainty he has been genuinely busy in recent weeks on the subject of eurozone exports.

In almost his last public appearance just over a month ago, ECB President Mario Draghi tried to take the heat out of the currency wars debate by dismissing it as a fantasy. That always makes my nose twitch: when any top Wally says never, unique, impossible, poppycock or fantasy, you know you’re onto something. And while Mario worked hard to rubbish the idea, he did quite openly say that the ECB would “still have to assess the economic impact of the euro’s strength”.

His chief concern at the moment is high costs making eurozone exports uncompetitive. This problem doesn’t seem to afflict Germany, but it is at base the fundamental problem with the euro: you can’t devalue it here and revalue it there. It’s all or nobody, as it were. Devalue the whole eurozone currency, and it may help ClubMed for a while: but in the medium term, it will make things even easier for Germany to get richer and richer. Draghi does not, in private, want that at any cost. What he wants is an efficient EU ensuring a stable, respected currency.

While there’s no doubt that on balance the ECB would like a cheaper euro (another reason to have left Germany alone to f**k up the Cyprus bailout?) Mario’s ideas are far more focused on cost reduction in the real world of manufacturing: and the biggest single way to do that is to drive down wages.

Two weeks ago, the ECB boss made a late-night presentation to senior eurocrats and europols about the twin issues of productivity and wages. Six years ago Germany went through the studied process of maintaining a voluntary pay freeze. Draghi thinks the rest of Europe must follow suit, but ClubMed workers tend to be less obedient than Shop Floor Fritz. He has not, in fact, been neutralised by Berlin: he is supporting Berlin’s plan to provide cheap labour working longer hours, but via another, less public, method: helping to make people desperate.

The toughest immediate challenges ahead now are Italy and Spain. Both countries have powerful leftwing Parties unwilling to put up with much more austerity. Draghi’s opinion is strongly towards easing off on the cuts, finding the money for stimulus, and lowering the expectations of those re-entering the job market. It’s a tough circle to square, but he’s on the case.

Equally, Spain, Italy and France could soon find themselves at the epicentre of a european bond market panic…especially if Greek default becomes more likely (it must) and Italian rebellion gains speed (it will). As I reported some time ago, Mario Draghi is keen on the idea of using gold as a bond-backing instrument to overcome this. That’s no easy task either.

The point is this: Draghi may have had his own career reasons for being off the set during the last fortnight. But thinking about it in the round, he is clearly very busy. It may add up to no more than that. Personally, I suspect that what he plans to do adds up to yet another form of citizen pauperisation alongside the bank robbery approach. I think it is bound to make things worse, but there you are: what do I know?

And so the final question sets itself really: peering out from the helicopter, WTF is going on here? I think there is one further possibility. You may have noticed that President Obama conveniently turned up in Israel this week, talking airily about peace – in that rhetoric-dominated manner he adopts when there’s no beef in the sandwich. In fact, he got Netanyahu to utter some encouragingly nice bromides about America as an ally and the bonds of friendship being unbreakable and so forth. I don’t think Barack Obama was in the region to talk about peace. He was doing the “I’m here to remind you all that I’m keeping a beady eye on this sh*t”.

There is a theory that runs like this. The commitment to Berlin remains strong in Washington, as the only place likely to sort out the eurozone disaster. Merkel’s husband is extremely well-connected in the American security sector. State under Hillary Clinton made it very obvious she was “betting the farm” on Germany, as indeed did Timothy Geithner. Both sides now have a vested interest in a supine ClubMed in general (less threat to Wall Street) and Greco-Cypriot weakness in particular (the EC remains dominant, Berlin gets tough on the euro, the Americans retain their access to mining, energy and military bases, the Russian monopoly on gas supply is broken). That also, of course, suits Turkey.

This may very well be how the interested parties see it. Erdogan mouths off and gets to look macho, Schäuble plays hardball and gets another one over Draghi, and the US President turns up to remind everyone who’s really in control here. I cannot believe that these NATO allies didn’t at least discuss some of the possible outcomes beforehand. Thus I would also assume that all this – and the dangers of messing with it – will also have been politely explained to Moscow. There may even have been a carrot on hand if necessary.

The total picture on Cyprus is on three main levels: Brussels-am-Berlin mendacious control to blame austerity’s failure on nasty billionaires, lazy Greeks, and dumb Cypriot potato-heads; Washington-am-Berlin geopolitical power games; and a deregulating financial élite working along side Major League politicians to find ‘solutions’ to the problems they themselves created. This last dimension is the one I think the most significant: if the Berlin-dominated EC decides it wants a power bulwark against Russia, China, the US or whomever, there’s nothing I can do to stop them, and there are plenty of ways to avoid the effects of it. I’m British, and sixty-five years old. I’ll continue to try and wake people up to it, but I’m past the barricades stage of life. Ditto the likelihood that US Friedmanite mercantilism will wind up blowing us all up. But in the end, most power and almost all misery stems from money.

It’s very clear now – and the catalyst here has indeed been the Cyprus crisis – that most developed countries have a plan in place for buying their way out of self-inflicted trouble, and that we aren’t going to even loan them the dosh: they’re going to find ways to cut out the middle men (the Revenue services) and simply steal it from our bank accounts, bond investments, gold punts, interest on capital, dormant accounts and so forth. What RBS has been doing to SMEs for the last four years is going to happen globally to all of us…..unless we resist. Confirmation of this is, in my view, the main by-product of Nicosia’s collapse at the prospect of Berlin smash-and-grab.

Without money, States cannot fulfil their objectives. On the other hand, money does get people off the sofa in the end. On those encouraging bases, I foresee some change of focus for The Slog from here on.

Yesterday at The Slog: Germany must accept the fact that the cap fits

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Slog live on UK radio tonight

Tonight I will be joining a discussion led by Peter Cox on Radio Litopia from 8pm UK time. That’s 3 pm Eastern Standard Time, 9 pm French time, and 10 pm Greek time.

You can work out how to listen by going to the Litopia website here.

Promises to be fun.

JW

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EASTLEIGH ELECTION: Why UKip will smooth the way towards a Borisonian Britain

Commenting on the Eastleigh result, in a classic outburst of slightly daft bombast, Nigel Farage said last night, “If the Conservatives hadn’t split our vote we would have won.” Still, it acted as a smokescreen (albeit dotty) to hide the reality of what I wrote earlier in the week: had Farage himself stood, UKip would very probably have its first UK seat this morning.

In truth, there are four real lessons in this result. First, the turnout was only just over half. Fair enough, it was a by-election – but it was a heavily media-reported one, a by-election created by the previous MP committing a criminal offence, and an obvious chance for disgruntled people to clobber both the Coalition Parties at once. That half of those allowed to vote didn’t bother to turn up shows once again the astonishing level of disengagement from politics in 2013 Britain.

The final-result stats fully support this conclusion. The two ‘big’ UK Parties, Tory and Labour, attracted the support of just 1 in 6 of those allowed to vote. LibDem winner Michael Thornton sees himself elected to Parliament with the support of one in five….about average these days. Despite a reasonably well-known candidate in the shape of comic author John O’Farrell, a minute 1 in 20 turned up to support him. Once again, Labour is seen as having little or no appeal in mainstream southern England.

Second, David Cameron’s position as Leader is now very precarious indeed, teeing up Boris Johnson nicely for a crack at the job possibly before (but probably after) the 2015 General Election. The Slog opined last Tuesday:

‘….you have to ask – as a Tory – whether squeaking in on a recount would be enough to relieve the besieged leader David Cameron. To be honest, whether you were a Tory or a Sutchist, the answer is pretty obviously “No”….. losing it would be a disaster for David Cameron.’

Well, he lost….to both the LibDems and UKip. So it is whatever comes above a disaster – a catastrophe from the Camerlot pov. And yet, the idea of UKip knackering the Tory vote alone is shown to be a myth: The LibDem vote fell by 14.5%, the Conservative one by 14%. UKip got the vast majority of the protest votes on offer – three times more than Labour. Above all, the result says that those people still with the energy left to vote don’t feel close to any mainstream Party. Farage was on much safer ground when he remarked, “What happened here in Eastleigh was not a freak result. Something is changing. People are sick and tired of having three social democrat parties that are frankly indistinguishable from each other”.

He’s right, but of course he is still shown to be at the helm of a Party that lacks credibility as a real alternative.

Third, this isn’t going to do Ed Miliband any favours. While the Labour vote held up, the Party has become irrelevant to Eastleigh voters – a place very far indeed from being Tory shires heartland territory. I doubt very much if it will affect Ed’s authority (of which he has very little anyway in real terms) but for the leadership as a whole, an inability to attract support when the Coalition is in deep doo-doo represents a serious long-term problem.

But I save the most important extrapolation until last, and it goes like this: for the foreseeable future, Government by one Party in the United Kingdom is virtually impossible. It looks as if we are heading into an era of serial coalition government.

I think there are a number of reasons for this. The most obvious one is that none of the four Parties discussed above are anywhere near either leading or reflecting the feelings of Middle Britain. The 35% or so who used to vote but don’t any more hold the key to where the UK might be going on almost every level. The UKip voter in Eastleigh is older, and less than committed to Farage’s vision, such as it is. It is going to take a new and charismatically led organisation to bring in the young en masse, and encourage the rest to re-engage. The damage done last time around by the false dawn of Nick Clegg is, it seems to me, far more profound that most observers realise or accept.

But in some ways, Britain’s divided electorate is merely the continuation of a trend we have been witnessing for several years now. The Greek and Italian elections have produced a standoff, and the US Presidential contests show time and again how divided and confused the American voter is. The Dutch political landscape is lurching to the Right, and pushing hitherto leprous people into colaitions. France didn’t elect a Socialist President in Hollande really, it unelected Nicolas Sarkozy; there too, there is a deep confusion over what’s required in the way of economic ‘reform’, and a classic Gallic distrust of austerity.

Only the Germans have a leader who looks unbeatable, and that of itself is both worrying and quickly understandable: she seems to be running the EU, and her public likes that…plus the Germans have been smart enough to diversify their trade away towards Asia, and so few are feeling the pinch in the Bundesrepublik. With all the other EU members of any weight hopelessly divided ( the possible exception being Spain) German hegemony now looks assured for some years to come. The big question is how Hans and Helga will react when it comes time for Berlin to pay the bill.

This widespread political apathy and confusion reflect (to me at any rate) the obvious cultural interregnum in which the West now finds itself. The old politics look dreadfully stale, disgustingly cynical, and fundamentally dishonest. The socialist model has been found out, and the neocon one is in the process of killing itself. People are bombarded with conflicting information about almost everything from climate change to the econo-fiscal outlook. Above all, nobody in the political, governmental, media or banking elites shows the slightest inclination to do anything beyond clinging on to what they’ve got by all means fair and foul.

Over time, this must of course become a self-fuelling process until something or somebody comes along to give citizens in the West a more realistically inspiring vision of how to move into a better future. Part of that (obviously) will involve a clearer consensus on what is meant by ‘better’.

At the risk of becoming boring on this subject, looking at the British context, the politician in by far the best position to benefit from this is Boris Johnson. A massive purge of the Camerlot camp alongside a lurch to the Right under his leadership would get him support among the old, the young, the UKippers, and the traditional working-to-middle-class Conservative voter. Given his carefully cultivated image of being the plain-speaking chap close to the national pulse, Johnson is also building an image of dynamic renewal through business investment….a process against which he brooks no opposition, and throughout which he actively stifles debate.

The reality of BoJo is rather different to the bluff, straight persona he projects. Under a Johnson-led government, British citizens of every age and social class would see a rapid erosion of their net worth, employment rights, incomes, social mobility, and access to real justice. Johnson is for Murdoch, for bankers, for denial, for cover-up, for media spin and corrupt officialdom: in fact, for economic success whatever the price…and for the gathering of as much power as possible by Boris Johnson.

Pretty much everything I predicted about the bloke has come to pass. The real legacy being left for all of us by UKip’s ability to harass the Government without actually achieving anything much is the likely installation of an anti-libertarian Right wing regime answerable only to (and fully supported by) multinational business. I suspect that, not too far below the surface, this would suit Nigel Farage down to the ground.

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EXAM QUESTION: If a Bank sets aside, what does a Huhne do?

monopcopDo not go to jail, do not miss go, do not lose £200

In the Cowardly New World we all inhabit these days, crooked folks no longer go to jail, they set aside. I see this phrase so often now, I’m beginning to think of banks as fields: poor bastards, they’ve had to set aside again….how are they ever going to feed their families?

After RBS set aside a squillion quid last week, this week it’s Barclays first of all setting aside £850m this morning, and then according to later results this afternoon close to a billion. Maybe they bought some more fields over lunch, and then got told to set them aside too. Those investment bankers, they’ll never make farmers. Tch tch.

This sort of near-obscene euphemism is yet another bright, clean mirror reflection of the utter destruction of equality before the law in Western cultures. Last year, Barclay’s Libor-Combine Harvester Bob Diamond set aside an entire bonus in his eagerness to avoid some of the more painful downsides of the slammer. Before that, Baron Green even gave up his job in recognition of some regrettable forgetfulness on the subject of south American kid-killing drugs….and to then really demonstrate total contrition, took a post working for David Cameron as the Minister for Trade. We may have given up the death penalty forty-six years ago, but that was a fate worse than death.

I once bought (and still have) the original of a very funny cartoon showing a travelling salesman at the door. He’s saying to the startled householder, “Good afternoon, I’m from the Jehovah’s Witness BCCI Double Glazing Company”.  That kind of job was never going to make a chap rich, but the absolutely cast-iron way to stay free from the clutches of justice in Britain in 2013 is to be a paedophile former civil servant money-laundering adviser to Lazards Bank. You could walk down Threadneedle Street clad in only a placard proclaiming ‘Infant Orifice, Pension & Treasury Abuser’ and not attract so much as an admiring glance from anyone: not a cop, not an MI6 officer, certainly not a judge, and probably not a legislator….unless his name was Tom Watson, and he knew you were a large donor to the Tory Party.

But do not despair, because brick by brick this Berlin Wall of Hadrian China keeping us from justice is being chiselled away. I refer of course to the swift verdict meted out to Liberal Democrat MP Chris Huhne, whose defence bollocks lasted a year until he finally confessed to what millions of people had known for some time: that he perverted the course of justice and blamed a speeding offence on his spouse. Greater love hath no man than he lay down his wife for his career, but such is the multi-layered nature of Huhne’s awfulness, he was shagging another at the time…the Mrs found out, and the rest is history – if not yet justice.

An especially tragic part of this episode concerns the very clear failure of Mr Huhne over the years to bond with his son, a young man who brings a whole new meaning to the word countryside. In July 2010, Huhne junior texted Pater thus: ‘You are the most ghastly man I have ever known. Does it give you pleasure that you have lost most of your friends?’ On Christmas Day that year, Chris texts the fruit of his loins,Happy Christmas. Love you, Dad’, and the seasonal goodwill consists of ‘Well I hate you, so f*ck off’. Where’s a Haringey social worker when you need one, eh?

Chris Huhne has now set aside his Parliamentary seat, but do not be fooled into believing there might be some evidence of redemption involved here: as a Parliamentarian, he is forced so to do, or face the ignominy of being expelled by his peers. Not that this means being expelled by the Liberal Democrats of course, because to be expelled from that eclectically advanced college of self-destruction, nothing less than having a loaded shotgun transplant in both feet will do.

Anyway, let us all now set aside any prejudiced expectation we have, and await the judge’s sentence of three minutes jury service.

Earlier at The Slog: Should the murder of psychopaths be legalised?

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