Grant Shapps on UKip April 30th 2013
“There’ll never be a Tory/UKip pact”.
David Cameron, 23rd May 2014:
Prime Minister David Cameron sought to quell speculation of a possible Conservative-UKIP alliance, saying that his party could achieve an overall majority in 2015 by itself.
“We are the Conservative Party. We don’t do pacts and deals. We’ll be fighting all out for a win at the next election,” he said.
Er, except the Liberal Democrats. But not Ukip. Oh dear me no. And Grant Shapps agreed on the same day:
“There is no question of doing a deal with UKip,” he affirmed.
Grant Shapps since then:
“A vote for UKIP puts Labour closer to winning the election and Ed Miliband closer to Number 10. When you go to bed with Nigel Farage, you wake up with Ed Miliband,” he promised. Ukip with whoever you want to Grant, I don’t like either of them.
“These by-election results [for Ukip] are an alarm clock moment,” he insisted, “I’ve always taken them seriously”.
I took them so seriously, in fact, I dismissed any chance of a deal with them.
“Voting UKip increases the risk of an Ebola outbreak in Britain,” Grant spluttered last week. Well, it takes a worried man to sing a worried song. Shapps’ new election song comes out next week. It goes “The voters think I’m a retard, but I say nooo, nooo, noooo”.
Somewhere below ground, Team Shapps is even now inventing new and ever more dire reasons not to vote UKip. Some starters for ten:
* Vote for UKip and Brussels will evict us all from Britain and make us live in the African state of Luekaemia, where everyone has AIDS and all emails are infected with Bola.
* Go to bed with Ed Miliband and ISIS will behead Nigel Farage, thus letting in really nasty shits like me.
* Nigel Farage has weapons of mass destruction he could launch upon London without warning at any moment and so if you vote for him you will automatically become a non-violent extremist, and be sent to Theresa May’s BootCampUK (2014) plc.
The Slog 