THE REDEFINED MEANINGS DERIVATIVES SECTOR #2

Satire: Noun abbreviation of the verb to satiate ire

Bonus cap: Larger but inapplicable version of Benefits cap

Alimony: financial agreement that follows matrimony and acrimony

Bailout: action taken when the plane’s fourth engine goes

Discount: Retail promotion immediately preceding fall in headcount

Scrounger: Someone who illegally benefits from welfare

Scoundrel: Someone who benefits from welfare and pays himself a £3m bonus

Bonus: Latin for ‘good bribe’ as in bonus beneficium

Standard & Poors: Merger producing predictable incompetence

Coup de Grace: Act of policeman beating up informant

GOLD: Acronym standing for Gambling On Loaded Dice

Misogynist: Winner of 1960s bathing beauty contest

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

6 thoughts on “THE REDEFINED MEANINGS DERIVATIVES SECTOR #2

  1. Scrounger: Someone who illegally benefits from welfare

    Got to disagree with this one JW, the definition of a scrounger that the coalition are pushing is, “anyone” claiming benefits.

  2. Abdicate (v) – to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach

    Esplanade (v) -to attempt an explanation while drunk

    Willy-nilly (v)-impotent, flabbergasted and appalled over how much weight you have gained

    Negligent (n)-describes the condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie

    Lymph (v)- walk with a lisp

    Gargoyle(n)-an olive flavoured mouthwash

    Coffee (n)-a person who is coughed upon

    Flatulence (n)-the emergency vehicle that picks you up after her you are run over by a steamroller

    Balderdash (n)-a rapidly receding hairline

    Testicle (n)-a humorous question in an exam

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s