CRASH 2: The mad, the bad, and the hysterically silly

George Osborne yesterday showed once more that he’s ahead of the game by suggesting that Britain faces “a difficult time”, the gdp results were “disappointing”, and thus the Pound is falling…so Brits abroad in the eurozone will “feel the pinch”. The Daily Mail noted all this, and then wrote that the FTSE had ‘smashed through the 6,300 barrier’. No dots were joined up or brain-cells overworked in the reporting of these facts. The phrases ‘currency wars’, ‘selling the Pound to help exports’ and ‘indescribably bonkers’ were absent.

Still, the American ‘recovery’ continues to be the only one in history wherein the Federal Government owes more money every month, over half the public sector pension fund has been thrown at the debt, and the absorption of failed banks by healthier ones is a process taking place 4-5 times a month on average. 53 banks failed in the US last year, and for those of a vengeful disposition, The FDIC  has all the gory details.

Doing this sort of thing, of course, simply means that bad banks infect goodish banks with their toxicity….which quietly moves from one balance sheet to another, becoming yet another lump of pulsating radioactive gunk ready to lay the system low.

But heh – volatility is just so now baby. CBOE Holdings, buoyed by the phenomenal success of options and futures contracts based on its Volatility Index (VIX) is ratcheting up its efforts to broaden their appeal.

“The volatility business is only eight years old, but we see terrific growth,” Ed Tilly, CBOE’s president and chief operating officer, told a gathering of reporters in New York recently. “We see hedge funds, prop trading firms, (commodity trading advisors), insurance companies and other institutional users migrating to the product. It’s very important for us.”

‘The volatility business’. Doncha love it? Here we are, it’s the 21st century, and fully grown up adults are gainfully employed building a new sector specialising in calculating the Fanshit Factor. Buy fanshit futures. Compare your own fanshit fear to the fanshit feelings of other calmer souls. Spot the fanshit index falling as more fanshit sprays your new YSL suit an interesting shade of fanshit. Be a fanshit fan: You Know it Makes Sense. Human beings are never funnier than when examining the interior of their own backsides in search of fanshit.

But desperation breeds criminality too – imagine that. Suddeutsche Zeitung reports that Germany’s bank regulator Bafin has now started an investigation against four German banks in connection with alleged manipulation of the Euribor. So far, the German authorities have only cooperated with the Libor investigations, but this is a new investigation.

Do we need a trial to establish guilt here? Probably not: they’re all guilty. Still, some sort of judicial process would be nice. I mean in the sense of politeness to the 65% of us suffering a pythonic grip while the authorities work out how to save themselves. QE does nothing that it claims on the tin. Zirp pauperises anyone on a fixed income with ‘proper’ investments. Libor manipulation screws the borrower. Welfare cuts play well in the markets while leaving all worthy recipients of it even more desperate than the authorities.

They’re called the authorities, by the way, because although they’re rarely authoritative – and never able to command authority through respect – they do have unlimited authority to do WTF they like to anyone and anything at any time they fancy. This is what makes investing such a joy at the moment. But if nothing else, the competition authorities are still on Michael O’Leary’s case, so it’s not all bad.

Ryanair has put out quarterly results showing turnover, profit and passengers continue to rise. The last of these is an especially good sign for any company in the business of getting people into the air, and predictably the results are accompanied by a bullish statement from chief executive Michael O’Leary. As O’Leary could be bullish about the imminence of an asteroid hit, that doesn’t mean much beyond his infinite determination to take over Aer Lingus.

Mad Michael claims that his plan to sell Aer Lingus routes to two separate airlines meets all concerns raised by the competition authorities. They just don’t address my concerns about the possibility of him being a wing short of an aeroplane, but then I’m picky. I once drove a six hundred mile round-trip to pick up four teenage children who unexpectedly found themselves in the Loire thanks to the immaculate scheduling and navigation skills of Ryanair. It is for this and many other reasons that I still think the price of O’Leary buying the national airline of his homeland should be the authorities insisting on rebranding it Cunnilingus.

But just when you thought Absolute Zero Sanity had been achieved, there’s always the Greek austerity problem to prove you wrong. Charis Theocharis, the new Hellenic revenues general secretary, made an astonishing claim in public last week. During his appearance at
the congress of  the Association of Property Owners, a number of people
started to shout and protest about the many different taxes imposed on
property.

“I have no money to pay property taxes,” shouted someone from the audience.

An obviously stunned general secretary shouted back, “Me neither”.

Last night at The Slog: Newscorp piles the ordure onto Cameron

25 thoughts on “CRASH 2: The mad, the bad, and the hysterically silly

  1. The last time I had any dealings with my bank they decided to close my account down and take fifty quid out of it. Claiming it was a penalty for closing it down . I think its called taking the piss.

  2. Trouble not your head about Mr O’Leary. The board of Air Fungus tried to screw him when he first took off from Dublin and they have been a constant enemy ever since. I doubt you’ve read his biography – fabbo stuff. Every year he threatens to buy the Irish flag line – which he now could many times over – but he does so just to brown the trouser of his old enemy – the board. Actually he has as much intention of doing that as he has of having standing seats or charging for the loo. But he knows such daft proposals will guarantee him plenty of cheap publicity from lazy or ignorant journals. And he does so much like “cheap”! Don’t be one of those journos John.
    I flew Ryanair more than20 times this year. I can’t say any of the flights was wonderful. But then it IS like travelling coach. When it says no frills it means no frills. When things go wrong there’s little or no back up. But try BA when there’s a mm of snow and they want to use that as an excuse to consolidate 30% of their flights. None of my twenty flights went wrong and I rarely paid more than £40 RETURN Stanstead to Gothenburg including tax and baggage AND loos!

    • That’s because Rayanair charge European regional airports for the privilige of landing there. Contribution to marketing buget it’s called or some other nonsense. Take that away (why should my taxes pay for your flights?) and Ryanair is running below empty.

      • The idiots then are those very airport operators – unless of course they are in fact deriving benefits. Ryanair is running a cheap bus service … with wings … that’s all he clams for it and doing it reasonably well particularly as he gets up the noses of all the other ripoffs flying Europe. More power to the mad Irishman.

      • It’s not just a matter of charging money. In the Greek islands they ask for a small premium the first year and increase it exponentially the following years, threatening to stop the influx of valuable tourists. Hotel owners are pressuring the state to subsidise the whole thing or else…..
        That’s mafia stuff not marketing.

  3. The compelling new documentary THRIVE (Google) exposes the corrupt banking system and the dark Cabal trying to enslave us with their NWO. Foster Gamble, heir to the Proctor/Gamble fortune, lends huge credence to this startling expose. Pass the link on. Time to go viral. Time to halt those who would rule the world with a merciless iron fist.

      • Nick +1 for posting. Tx. About time I learnt how to do that. Never do today, what you can put off till tomorrow!

      • Bigbwana – “Never do today, what you can put off till tomorrow!”
        Or you can get others to do for you! I was in Africa too!!

      • Ah, the good old days! Not. I was born in Kenya, thought the locals were treated fairly. Not. I, however, never witnessed anybody, from my large extended railway family, act like a racist. ‘Kenya Gulag’, book whose author’s name escapes me, revealed we, white Kenyans, not all, treated the blacks worse than the Boers! Quite shameful really. Not to mention cruel. So was the Colonial masters’ treatment of North American Indians in Canada. And virtually every where they set foot. To this day, our ‘landed gentry’ treat us like they own us. They do not. And they will be judged for their crimes.

  4. I used to think that not all governments were the same… now all I can say is WTF?

    At bloomberg website:
    russia-hires-goldman-to-boost-investor-image-abroad.html

  5. Pingback: John Ward – Crash 2 : The Mad, The Bad, And The Hysterically Silly – 29 January 2013 | Lucas 2012 Infos

  6. OT, but typical of the present-day ‘quality reporting’ in the Mailygraph:

    “But Hitler’s right hand man, who had developed an addiction to morphine while being treated for battlefields wounds during the First World War, was said to be dismayed when he saw the finished work.”

    It is to be found in this article here –

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/art/art-news/9833712/Goering-the-morphine-addict-by-the-Jewish-painter-who-fled-for-his-life.html

    To confirm what JW often intimates, for want of a better term, present day newspaper reporters are nothing more than a bunch of lazy and ignorant sods!

    True, Göring did get wounded in the hip during WW1, and it took about a year to heal, but there is no record of morphine being used in his treatment at that time.

    However, a peek at Wikipedia – assuming history books of sufficient intellect are not available to the Mailygraph reporter – brings up these quotes, many with source references:

    “A member of the NSDAP from its early days, Göring was wounded in 1923 during the failed coup known as the Beer Hall Putsch. He became permanently addicted to morphine after being treated with the drug for his injuries.”

    Further down the page:

    “With Carin’s help, Göring was smuggled to Innsbruck, where he received surgery and was given morphine for the pain. He remained in hospital until 24 December. This was the beginning of his morphine addiction, which lasted until his imprisonment at Nuremberg.”

    Further down:

    “Göring had become a violent morphine addict; Carin’s family were shocked by his deterioration. Carin, who was ill with epilepsy and a weak heart, had to allow the doctors to take charge of Göring; her son was taken by his father. Göring was certified a dangerous drug addict and was placed in Långbro asylum on 1 September 1925. He was violent to the point where he had to be confined to a straightjacket, but his psychiatrist felt he was sane; the condition was caused solely by the morphine. Weaned off the drug, he left the facility briefly, but had to return for further treatment.”

    There are those who maintain that Göring had his goolies shot off, or at least seriously damaged, in the Beer Hall Putsch, but there appears to be no surviving documentation for this assertion. But it could explain his later gross corpulence – compared to the figure of his earlier years.

    Plus, it may have been the origin another Nazi-era ‘back-of-the-hand’ joke about Göring. With his second wife he had a daughter, named Edda. Some maintain that she was so-named in honour of one of Mussolini’s daughters. Rubbish, say those who are better informed – it is a secret message! Edda = Ewig Dank dem Adjutant // Eternal thanks to my adjutant.

    Ye Gods, if newspaper reporters can’t get long established facts right then what are we to believe of their reporting about the latest news?

  7. Thanks Slam Dunc, O’leary really is gob shite management and it pays i’ve always doubted the saying “there is no thing like bad publicity” but for him it seems to apply, if they screw up and are in the news the bookings rise, incredible.

    once tried linking through for special rates from approved associate cobblers to hertz, then tried direct, loads cheaper, the rogues

  8. Dear JW,apologies for O/T but i had this sent to me..when i read it a great sense of irony struck me..it has richmond council..busines and concerns about child protection in it….
    especially following the stuff you wroite about Elm Guest house investigation…i would welcome your thoughts on this matter if possible..(he said in hope)….


    New post on twickerati

    The Kids Are Alright… Or Are They?
    by twickerati

    OUTSOURCING PLANS RUFFLE FEATHERS
    Since 2010 Conservative led Richmond Council have been working with other boroughs developing opportunities to share services. And when it comes to the provision of children’s services, they’re getting pretty chummy with Lib Dem run Kingston. In fact, the two boroughs are establishing a jointly owned organisation, ‘Achieving for Children’, to deliver children’s services in this part of south west London. It’s headed up by Nick Whitfield, formerly of Kingston Council, more recently of El Brute and who is now Joint Director of Education and Children’s Services across the two boroughs. Moving to a situation where a jointly owned body takes on this responsibility moves both councils further down the route of becoming commissioners rather than providers of local services.

    For some this is all good news, helping to deliver savings and providing opportunities for private companies to introduce new ideas to the public sphere. Others don’t like it, preferring to see key services provided directly by the local authority, keeping control and accountability more closely tied in to the council. In other words, it’s an ideological debate as well as just a financial one… and it’s right that all aspects including cost, accountability and service delivery are considered. Richmond’s Lib Dems aren’t happy and put a motion to an extraordinary Council meeting at El Brute last week expressing concern over the approach. Their problem with it revolved around the delegation of child protection to an independent third party provider and in the motion they expressed ‘grave concern at the stated intention of the administration to make ‘Achieving for Children’ an independent company.’ And guess what? Not being in control of the Council they lost the vote and so the plan will continue to move forward.

    YAY! IT’S CONSULTATION TIME AGAIN
    In the meantime, El Brute has launched a consultation on its draft Children’s And Young People’s Plan which sets out the ‘strategic direction and goals’ for the provision of services covering the borough’s young residents through to 2017. The services being discussed affect children and young people up to the age of 19 and, in the case of those in case or with learning disabilities, up to the age of 25. It covers schooling (or rather those aspects which still remain in local authority control), health, caring for people with special needs, promoting opportunities for children, etc.

    And of course, it’s going to fall to the new venture ‘Achieving for Children’ to deliver it. You can read through the draft plan online – and probably deserve a GCSE for doing so – and then make comments in a survey. If you want to have your say, the deadline is 17th February.”

  9. Pingback: IRANIAN ENRICHMENT: diplomatic community dithers as Tehran presses forward with the enrichment of fissile material | The Slog. 3-D bollocks deconstruction

  10. Pingback: John Ward – Iranian Enrichtment : Diplomatic Community Dithers As Teheran Presses Forward With The Enrichment Of Fissile Material – 31 January 2013 | Lucas 2012 Infos

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