At the End of the Day

You wouldn’t want to bet the farm on a White Christmas in the south western UK. Here, it’s going to be a grey Christmas.

All day here it’s been drizzling heavily. Nowhere on the planet does drizzle like England, and nowhere in England gets anywhere near the South West’s version. The drizzle we get down here isn’t like TV chefs drizzling a little olive oil onto a pasta salad: our drizzle will dump your own body weight in water on you within twenty seconds. Devon drizzle can drown any unsuspecting person who goes out for a walk, and then looks up in search of the sky without full Padi diving equipment and the proper breathing apparatus. Devon drizzle is the reason man emerged from the oceans: he figured that, if you already had gills, then air-and-drizzle didn’t present too much of a problem.

We get these blankets of mist and drizzle that leave you wondering if The Outer Limits lie at the edge of your property, because you can’t see any further than that. Staring out of the back door, I half expect a pirate to come hobbling towards me, to the sound of distorted bells mixed with the wailing of tortured souls lost at sea.

December 19th 2012 will go down (in what masquerades as my memory these days) as Dull Day One. As FDR didn’t say, “It is a day that will live in anonymity”. I went to Tescos in search of things reduced to clear. I rang the DWP about my State Pension. I walked in the woods searching for holly. I rummaged around in the rafters for Christmas tree lights. Nothing of Pullitzer Prize story dimensions plopped into my inbox. A troll penetrated my email to tell me I was a left-wing BNP nutter. I ate some defrosted bean and beef curry I’d made during early October. It was OK.

This is the one weather-symbol dominating our weather forecasts here at the minute:

forecast

This is how it’s expressed in words over the next six days: Cloudy with outbreaks of Rain Cloudy with outbreaks of Rain Cloudy with outbreaks of Rain Cloudy with outbreaks of Rain Cloudy with outbreaks of Rain Cloudy with outbreaks of Rain

This is the degree of cloudiness forecast for each and every day:

Cloud cover: 100%

I think we can safely surmise that the snow cover will be 0%, and the sunshine will be 0 seconds per day.

It can only get better…and indeed it will. I have two foodie boozey friends arriving on Sunday, staying through to the 27th – at which point both my daughters plus one son in law and one granddaughter will be here until the 30th. We shall have indoor sunshine, and outdoors there will be liquid snow.

And then, 24 hours later, 2012 – without any shadow of doubt the most uninspiring, duplicitous, impoverishing, shameful, disappointing, banal, tragic, deranged, impenetrable, evasive, under-performing, mediocre, false, mendacious, misleading and feckless year in human history – will be no more. It will have been converted from the Eternal Now back into the Infernal Then.

In this household, it shall not be missed. Indeed, I ask only one thing of 2013: if nothing else, could it be a bit more lively please?

28 thoughts on “At the End of the Day

  1. Could it be a bit more lively, please? you ask.
    It seems to this reader that you have experienced a year of the deadliest liveliness. Any livelier would have bee deadly. It is for you to wish yourself whatever, but it seems you are blessing yourself with a Chinese curse.

  2. Well JW some things are possible.
    Such as: joe and joline pleb could take to the streets under the ” look here we’ve jolly well had enough” thats if they dont mind stepling over the bodies of homeless families on the streets.
    The other thing is ppl getting concerned about child sex abuse actually take action.

    So..,,

  3. You think that’s bad lad, you were lucky to have that mild winter weather Obidiah, that were our summer forecast in West t’Scotland. An’ we saved t’rainwater for a bath. Bath??? You were lucky to have a bath…….

  4. Rain in Devon ? Oh come on John, us pastie knoshers down here in Cornwall have absorbed 90% of it before it gets to you lot :-) Bloody good job I live on a boat. Happy Christmas to you all…

  5. May you have a great Christmas and may the New Year bring with it plenty to read about on your blog. I had a cow of a year what with one thing and another, but the highlight of my year has been finding John’s blog. May everything go well with you and yours in 2013

  6. “Nowhere on the planet does drizzle like England,”
    I don’t think you could have spent any time in the Pacific North West, where it rains or drizzles for months on end. Forecasts often consist of “rain showers in the morning followed by rain in the afternoon”, as if there were somehow a difference, since the showers are generally just continuous rain. The pretty permanent gloom in winter sets one dreaming nostalgically of the Mediterranean and doubting if the sun will ever make it back here again.
    Savour your family’s visit, one never knows how long you will have them or they will have you. Merry Xmas.

    • I sympathise with you but here in the middle of monsoon in S’pore has been pouring non stop everyday for many weeks now and the air is confused ,it thinks it is water (if you can picture that ) .But the monsoons and the rain come into our lives at regular intervals and we cannot avoid them , just as disappointment and frustration and unfairness and we need to keep a raincoat handy to not let the spark die JW ;)

      • Yana,
        It’s sunny and fairly warm here in western Greece now.All we need is a “financial” raincoat to keep us from dying. Plenty of sparks though. Now that oil and electricity have gone through the roof, everybody remembered they have a fireplace to keep them warm and a new kind of toxic smog is choking us every day.What can you do….!?

  7. Its only being so cheery that keeps you going, John. So have a very Merry Christmas, steady on the sauce and keep us all entertained. No backsliding on the blogging because many of us rely on you to raise our blood pressure to a level where life at least can be detected.

  8. It’s the same here in Surrey, gloomy, wet, cold etc. Cheer up though after tomorrow we start on our way back to the longer days. I always look forward to Dec. 21st for that reason

    • Indeed Timbo lets all look forward to December the 21st as it marks the end of a long (25900 years appx) very negative timeline and the beginning of a new positive timeline…………………………so it will be more thinning of the veil………….more revelations that the politicos and the rich and famous would like to keep hidden………..no more wars and hopefully a lot less rain as mother earth has well and truly cleansed herself this year………….If your a positive type of person then 2013 holds no worries, if your negative or you have a negative agenda for others…………you will reap what you have sown!

  9. Thanks for the info JW – are you really a left-wing BNP nutter? (joking)

    I saw on the hypnobox this morning that there is a WEATHER WARNING in your area – be afraid, be very afraid, you ncould get all wet and stuff!

    Have a nice Christmas (or seasonal festival of your choice).

    Peterloo

    VLR!

  10. Hi John,

    Can I just say that I am extremely grateful to you for your hard work and effort in keeping the Slog ticking along with the very enjoyable articles and expose pieces which cut through the total crap peddled about by the MSM!

    On another note I would really like to connect you to a very interesting fellow in the realm of weather prediction!

    His name is Piers Corbyn – His website is http://www.weatheraction.com
    He is the Brother of Jeremy Corbyn the North London Labour MP.

    I think his science and view on where we might be heading in terms of world temperatures and the CO2 debate is fascinating and Right up your alley!

    A true Contrarian.

    Merry Christmas, and keep your chin up old fellow!

    Rich :@)

  11. We have kept a little cabin cruiser on the Thames for many years, and I can honestly say it has never had such little use as in 2012. Either it was pouring with rain, or even when the sun was out, the river was totally in flood with Red Warning Boards from the deluge the previous week.

    It took us over a week, dodging the downpours to get up to Abingdon Bridge, and then only two days to get washed back down to Staines again !

    Hoping you and your chums have a very good Christmas JW. My wish for 2013 is a summer without droughts or floods so I can get a bit of Vitamin D into my system….I’m not totally convinced about your hope to be ‘living in more exciting times’ in 2013,…..I reckon we may all need to be very careful what we wish for next year !

  12. Best laugh of the day. A young lady outside broadcaster was breathlessly telling BBC TV news that the country lane behind her was “totally impassable’ due to rising flood waters. Her sentence was unfinished when a modest little car passed behind her with a least an inch of water merrily spraying out from its wheels.

    • Did the Mayens make an allowance for the change from the Julian to the Gregorian calender in 1582 ? If not, we could all be breathing a sigh of relief on 22nd December and get our butts blown away on 31st December after all ! ;)

      Friday 13th April 2029 is a jolly good date to hope that NASA scientists have got their sums right !

  13. Rain? In Devon?
    You softies don’t know what rain is.
    Come to Ayrshire (or better still Fort William) for enlightement.

    Have a good hol and a better New Year, John!

  14. ” Nowhere on the planet does drizzle like England”

    Not quite. Second to Ireland. But yes, I’ve been out this morning walking the Hounds of Hell in the drizzly woods of Longleat.

    Andrew Duffin – you’ve clearly never been in a Force 8 Sou Wester! Try it at Lands End as well.

  15. Ah drizzle….I remember it well….haven’t see it since the 60’s. It’s now all or nothing here in the SE, from the Ghobi desert to paddy fields in a day.

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