The Sunday Splash

Last year, the Sun on Sunday replaced the entirely innocent News of the World,  one or two of whose rogue journalists had become infected with a mystery virus causing them to hack the mobile phones of cadavers. Not for nothing then is the Screws replacement called SOS in the trade. It should really be called SASOSAM – Same as the Sun on Saturday and Monday – because it really is just more tabloid bollocks.

You may also have noticed that quite a few Sun articles are recycled across those three days, but the one I want to feature is a brand new exclusive, headlined ‘SEX-swap dad told yesterday how he boobed by becoming a woman 23 years ago — and begged the NHS to give him his tackle back.’ Another name for the paper could be Puns on Sunday, because the dear old Cu***nt Bum’s subeds have a tradition to live up to on that dimension. Hence the ‘boobed’ sensitively placed in there – the story being about a Sex Swap Dad.

It seems 75 year old Gary Norton made an error of judgement some years ago. : “I now realise inside I’m a red-blooded man and always have been. I want a physical relationship with a woman but I’ve got no equipment — it all went in the op. It’s one heck of a mistake to make.”

I’d go further than that Gary: I’d say the consequences of your actions might well have been foreseen: especially after noting that you “tried dating fellas but never fancied them”.

It’s unbelievable isn’t it? So unbelievable, in fact, that I suspect the story is a load of old tosh to fill a space on a quiet Sunday.

It’s been anything but a quiet weekend for the Conservative Party’s news managers, who – given the task of getting everyone all worked up about the Coming Cameron Conference Call – should be proud of their thoroughness this morning. The SoS ran this piece in amongst its many tales of ‘Sick rings at the BBC’ and ‘Abu Hamza slings his hook’:

‘Despite months of pummelling from critics on all sides, the PM insists he has NOT lost touch with working Britain. To prove it, he uses an exclusive interview with The Sun today to unveil a double-barrelled boost for commuters and earners — a one per cent cap on crippling train fare hikes and another year’s council tax freeze.

Cameo has also given a similarly exclusive interview to the Sunday Express, and oddly enough this too will announce that rises in rail fares will be capped for two more years, and households will benefit from a third year council tax freeze. So it’s a sort of exclusively about train fares and council tax exclusive interview.

In the Mail on Sunday’s day off from Dacre, a ‘defiant’ George Osborne allegedly dismisses calls to squeeze the rich as ‘the politics of resentment’. He’d much rather squeeze the middle, I suppose – there are after all more of us. The alternative media would call that ‘the politics of repression’, but either way, in yet another exclusive interview, the Draper one by one rules out every form of wealth tax, tycoon tax, mansion tax, a new council tax band, property tax or land tax.

This doesn’t leave many other tax hikes to go at. And in the context of a failing strategy (not his fault by the way, apart from his idiotic insistence that it could work) one might be led to hope that George is about to swing his blade in the Whitehall constituency. But don’t hold your breath. Hold your nerve instead. Or hold onto your hat. Hold that thought.

Meanwhile, back inside Number Ten, Dave has been giving yet another exclusive interview, this time to the paper owned by sworn enemies the Barclay twins. In easily the funniest headline of the day, the Torygraph splashes, ‘Prime Minister accuses Ed Miliband of a policy void’. We don’t learn what noun Cameo might apply to his policy – ‘null and void’ perhaps – but we are exclusively told that there is going to be a council tax freeze.

Those of you getting the idea by now that there’s going to be a council tax freeze should be made wary by the Prime Minister’s other promise here: a new toughness on Europe. But Dave ends on a high note by admitting that he has “failed in selling his vision to the country”. I suppose when what you’re selling amounts to somewhat blurred double-vision, it’s not surprising the country can’t read it. To understand the logic of Tory policy, it seems, you have to get completely pissed first.

The Independent on Sunday as usual bucks the trend of endless articles about the proclivities of David Cameron, Jimmy Savile and Gary Norton in favour of a lower profile but nevertheless intriguing story about rape trends in Britain. It notes:

‘While the number of rapes recorded by police rose by 3, 261 (26 per cent) in the past three years, police insist the increase is not because of a rise in offences, but rather that victims have more confidence that police and prosecutors will deal with cases sensitively and professionally.’

However, the story paints an (I’m sure accurate) picture of Plod’s utter insensitivity, and inability to solve many of the crimes or indeed charge anyone with anything. We must all learn to adjust to the fact that the police don’t do that kind of stuff any more, but if things are still this bad, it really is hard to take the police interpretation of the statistics seriously. Given they’ve been caught so many times fiddling the numbers, one can’t take any plod statistics seriously any more, but setting that aside for a minute, this is a topic I’d like to see hacks examine more closely.

Rape could be on the increase because women are gaggin’ fer it, more crimes are being reported, all men are beasts and they’re getting worse personally I blame the mothers, or the redefinition of what constitutes rape in our media and political chatterati of late has encouraged more women to describe a sexual experience as rape. Discuss.

Although not blessed with one of Dave’s exclusive revelations about council tax caps, the IoS takes an intelligent and well-informed line on Jeremy Typing-Errah’s outburst about abortion time-limits. It hints that Jezzer’s motives might not have been entirely to do with ‘conscience’ in bringing up a favourite 1922 Committee obsession just when Cameo needs to wow his Party electorate. Yesterday on Twitter, Dan Hannan asked his disciples why such an issue of conscience was seen as news. I tweeted back ‘The news value lies in the possibility that Hunt has a conscience’.

It is small victories like these that keep one going. That, and watching Murdoch’s Sunday Times go from sad to hearse. Fixing Uncle Jimmy, Miliband approval soars, and Bolton striker Sordell in Millwall race row: old stories and worn themes. A pity really, as the intelligent analysis inside remains as good as ever. But I can’t review that, because Roop’s paywalls demand I should pay the Digger’s toll.

Hey-ho. Enjoy your Sunday lunch.

4 thoughts on “The Sunday Splash

  1. Question, how does one define rape. You lass out on a meal, drinks, a nice hotel room. Have met the lady on several previous occasions. Then you wake up in bed in the morning and the lady cries rape.
    She is Ms A, whilst your name is splashed all over papers. Or should both parties be named/ or both parties to remain anon?

  2. A Polish man I once knew told of when escaping from Siberia he used to toss something off the sledge every now and again to slow down the wolves following them as they fought over the odd old boot.
    I don’t wish to suggest that the so called debate over the maximum time abortions are allowed in the UK isn’t important but it’s simply not going to be changed any time soon.
    However the wholesale destruction of the way the NHS is delivered is continuing with accelerating speed as millions of tax payers’ money is siphoned off to a slew of very fat cats.
    I fear this will get the Minister of Health through the Conference with the media focussing just where they are directed.
    To bring this issue to the fore just prior to the Tory Party conference will become a collectors item in PR lore.
    Perhaps we shouldn’t underestimated Mr Hunt’s ability to emerge from a midden Teflon coated.

  3. : old stories and worn themes. A pity really, as the intelligent analysis inside remains as good as ever. But I can’t review that, because Roop’s paywalls demand I should pay the Digger’s toll.

    With you all the way John until the final sentence. If you can pony up a couple of quid, or whatever, for hard copy, why not for the electronic version?

  4. The story about Gary! reminds me of a true story. I was working for a company involved in “market research” There were about forty people manning phones, some permanent some temporary. One of the permanent members of staff was going through a gender change using hormone treatment to enhance his female qualities!
    The day came when “he” was going to take on the role of a “she”. Prior to this, a series of meetings were planned for all staff, to explain that Mr X would in future be coming to the office as Ms X. Of course there was much consternation among the female staff as to the use of toilet facilities.

    The real purpose of telling this tale is to relate that this “man” wanted to have a sex change operation so that he could have lesbian relationships. His predilection was young females which I believe he could not satisfy as a middle aged man.

    I still battle to get my head around the fact anyone would go along with a man wanting a sex change to have lesbian relationships. My brain hurts!

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