HUMOUR: Tardiest tidings of comfort and joy

Ministers contend all breeds of dog should be lonesome by the provision

There’s a bit of a syntax problem in the coverage of current events at My Daily Global News.

Apparently, after one day of the Unite strike, BA has pronounced sufficient staff were branch up to contend the revised report and let it return a little one some-more flights. What’s more, staff have been distinguished over compensate and operative conditions, with a serve four-day walkout. It never rains but it pours.

Still, Unite inhabitant central Steve Turner pronounced on Saturday morning “Most passengers have realised which since the misunderstanding they have been approaching to face today, they have been not going to transport and have sought and completed a refund. BA, meanwhile, pronounced it directed to fly as most passengers as probable. Good for them: they’d have my full support, if only I could work out whether completed refunds had rendered the passenger probability irrelevant.

You have to hand it to My Daily Global News, they’ve spotted a niche for news gibberish that makes even the most serious current events entertaining. For example, the UN’s Ban Ki-moon has cursed Israel’s East Jerusalem allotment plan. I don’t blame him, because this argumentative proclamation of skeleton to set up 1,600 some-more homes in East Jerusalem has delirious tensions in the segment. But let’s face it, they’ve got to grow those artichokes somewhere. What do you say to that, eh? Eh? ‘Building anywhere in assigned domain is bootleg and contingency stop’ is what MDGN says, so there.

It’s well-nigh impossible to work out who writes and bankrolls My Daily Global News, but I suspect the work of Asians in it somewhere, if only because every piece it puts up bears an uncanny resemblance to all that pidgin porn I get advising how my human partings can please ladies with much more highly entrying. But they need to learn that it doesn’t do to skimp on the translators.

There’s a piece on laws to control dangerous British dogs which is so funny, neither I nor Mrs W have yet ventured beyond the first two paragraphs: reading the whole thing would be downright dangerous at our age. Here’s an extract:

‘All dog owners in England and Wales would have to protection opposite their house-house pet aggressive someone underneath Labour proposals to plunge into dangerous breeds.’

Listen, this is much juicier than all the puffery about Lord Ashcroft: The Mail would have a field day with secret Loony Left proposals to make bestiality part of the rainbow of sexual orientation. Still, we shouldn’t worry because it seems

‘…Police and internal authorities could additionally be since powers to force owners of dangerous dogs to nozzle them or even get neutered’.

Great Scott. This is the bit I’ve yet to get beyond:

‘Tories contend Labour has authorised the complaint to grow in new years. 100 people have been certified to sanatorium after dog attacks, so this legislation additionally give military powers to bargain with any dogs. But if a dog not on the criminialized list of sorts causes an damage on in isolation skill – such as someone’s home – it is not lonesome by the Dangerous Dogs Act.

That’s a relief.

I cannot recommend this site too highly.

6 thoughts on “HUMOUR: Tardiest tidings of comfort and joy

  1. It reads like what we used to call "printer's pie" way back when… when the compositor had dropped the box of lead slugs, and they were hurriedly crammed back in, but in the wrong order.Though sometimes, the disordered type made better sense than the original.

  2. Having been presented with similar howlers of mutilated language in the past that were collected for coffee-room break light relief of a Friday afternoon – I wonder if the above may not be a reflection of ever-increasing 'standards' of many of our school-leavers? I must admit that when phoned by a person with a pronounced Asian accent claiming to be "Nick Anderson", or similar, requesting my taking part in an ever so brief market-survey, they are unfailingly courteous, and grammatically precise. I feel rude turning them down – politely!

  3. Pingback: Spinal tap gets go-ahead as Presidential bladder threatens to breach London flood barrier | The Slog.

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